#1
I got so sick today that I threw up in the parking lot
at Cub Foods,
Strange dudes sitting in a couch by the freeway looking
from the distance.
Throwing hard money and candy at me.
Oooh, I got so mad!
But I wiped off my Pharell Ice Cream shoes and the vomit
that made contact with my FILA brand jog pants and headed home.

Too fat to run.
To sad to skip.
Walking through River Styx.
When I wiped the mess off my mouth I smudged a phone number
for a job I had written on my left hand,
and a phone number for a cute girl who likes Deates on the other.
I combined the remaining numbers from both to form one super-number:
437-2398.
"Hello?"
"This is Randy."
"I had a dog named Randy. He's dead now. Is this a joke? Don't ever fucking CALL HERE AGAIN, fucker!"
"I'm sorry."
"SUCK THE SHIT OUT OF MY ASS!"
He hung up and God seemed a little bit blacker, just a tad bit cooler and a whole lot meaner and man I miss the fire-and-brimstone of the burn-your-crops-and-daughters bravado of the Old Testament.
But the new wears off and the old shines through,
and GOD, I got pissed off at the thought that child birth is too relaxing, too relieving,
too much like a cup of Camamile.
So I ran to the nearest Catholic church because by God, I was going
to get my wasted brain cells back, and in a flash of whirlwind and heat and the 3rd Sonic Youth reference I've ever put in a piece, God shows up by getting off the bus -
White, old, decrepid, carrying a cane.
And the next few words he said to me pierced my heart, licked my brain,
fingered my arteries and stroked my head:
"Ooh ee ooh ah ah, ting tang, walla walla bing bang."
Poor advice.
Last edited by stellar_legs at Apr 13, 2008,
#2
"I combined the remaining letters from both to form one super-number"



Brilliant as usual.
#3
dude... what the f-u-c-k were you on?... i mean dont get me wrong... sounds like some
sh*t i'd write if i were bored but still... that was the most random thing i've ever heard bud...
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


#5
I'M THE MORON? dude look at what you wrote.... don't get me wrong I love random stuff, but... if you look at it, it was pretty f*ckin retarded... so if you dont want comments like that... write more intelligent and mature stuff...
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


#6
just stop now before you get verbally abused by every member of this forum.

Randy is not retarded. and he is twenty times the writer you will ever be.
ya fuckin douchebag.
#7
I'm falling in my fear!
No one else is hear!
Every day I'm drowning!
I can't stop from frowning!
Drowning!
Drowning!
Break!

Intelligent enough for you?

Just...just close this. Goddamn.
Poor advice.
#8
Quote by bluesybilly
just stop now before you get verbally abused by every member of this forum.

Randy is not retarded. and he is twenty times the writer you will ever be.
ya fuckin douchebag.



OKAY!... you bunch of dumb f**ks... i didnt say i didnt like it... i loved it... it was funny as hell... but it IS retarted... so **** off you dumbasses... and Bluesbilly... you sound like a ****in bitch when you type... so id advise YOU shut the hell up before i verbally abuse your punkass....
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


#9
^^ man, i can't stand these shallow lurkers. ^^

...on a different note....

well, i'm guessing i don't have to tell you it's great because i'm sure you probably already know.

...that is all.
#10
I was caught off-gaurd with the river stix thing at first, seemed a little out of place but that developed really well with the bibilical imagery later on.

It's sureal, but really amazing.
Too much gain = Ears in pain
#12
It's a shame you have to deal with certain people who contribute nothing to this forum. It seems like you get a lot of the "wtf?" type posters.

Anyways, I loved it as usual, but I'm pretty much a fanboy now, so I don't think my opinion counts anymore.
#13
I liked it. The religous references worked well in it. Struggle, religion, and race come hand in hand. Good job.
#14
This was really different and interesting.

A couple lines confused me - like the comparison of childbirth to chamomile. But I'm sure it makes sense to you, and maybe it's best that way.

Regardless, this is a top-notch piece. Nice work.
and this moment keeps on movin'
we were never meant to hold on.
#15
This is my favourite piece I've read on the site so far. It had a certain feeling to it that just resonated in my mind even after finishing it.

My favourite lines were:

When I wiped the mess off my mouth I smudged a phone number
for a job I had written on my left hand,
and a phone number for a cute girl who likes Deates on the other.
I combined the remaining numbers from both to form one super-number:
437-2398.


as well as:

He hung up and God seemed a little bit blacker, just a tad bit cooler and a whole lot meaner and man I miss the fire-and-brimstone of the burn-your-crops-and-daughters bravado of the Old Testament.

And the ending just wrapped things up in a hilariously beautiful piece.

I personally wish I could write like you. But I haven't quite gotten to a point where I can make things sound this natural and keep the same poetic value. Bravo
Last edited by Fate_of_Mind at Apr 13, 2008,
#16
Very Nice Stellar.

The superficiality at the start going into the idea that child birth is easy is quite funny. Possibly what made me laugh the hardest. You throwing up on brand name clothing and then bitching about people taking drugs

Of course the "Super Number" idea was brilliant.

The start didn't flow as well as the end. Even reading wise, the ends seemed clipped almost, where as the end flowed like silk.

Very nice piece.
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#17
I can't believe I'm the only one who found this a bit lacking. It was good Randy, but it wasn't stellar (see what I did thur?). You have a lot packed in here, and the parts that were good, were brilliant... but the parts that weren't really struck me as some of the worst I've read from you. The brand name reference seemed too much for me, the "super number" seemed a little corny... I liked the idea, but the execution seemed corny. The whole first stanza read like molasses to me. It was a bit slow and didn't have the same bite as the second part. The "suck shit..." thing just seemed a little to over the top.

there were bits and pieces that I loved... but to me, this wasn't as top notch as some of your others. I almost always read your stuff... I juts don't comment unless I have something to say, because I know you are writing for you and comments don't mean a ton... especially from the likes of me. But, yeah... it was ok. It didn't blow my mind like it seemed to on everyone else.

If you are returning comments, I'd love to have your opinion on the equation one in my sig. It's long... so just whether you liked it or not would be appreciated it. If not, whatever.


-zC
#19
happy birthday
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
#20
Just letting you know I'm still reading everything you write.