#1
I'm still working on the title so please critique because
this was one of my first songs.
Thanks, Hope you enjoy.


I feel like dying,
Here in his place.
My souls feels like hiding,
Here in disgrace.

Still so far away,
It feels like i cant reach.
Why do i feel like im drifting
and i cant place my feet.

What is going on?
What is happening?
This is not a game.
This is my everything!

So i keep on trying,
Here in this place.
A thing down inside me tells me
all that i cant make.

About a million more miles to go,
But it feels like something changed.
I suddenly have all this hope!
and it didn't come from me.

Then i opened my eyes,
and i knew the LORD was around.
He said "Come Fallow Me",
"I, The Great I Am".

I feel like crying out,
Over his Grace
My soul feels like smiling now!
Thanks to His Name.

About a million more miles to go!
It's a good thing I believe! (OH!)

So I keep on trying,
Here in this place.
But still A thing down inside me,
tells me all that I cant make.......
#2
mm ok one.. you stole my freakin title.. lol kidding. but any ways... to business. over all.. i found this a little dull. i was going to do a line by line crit but.. it seemed pointless. because a lot of my points would be said over and over again. mm ok one think metaphors and similes. they are your friends. try to think abstract. a lot of these idea's are.. cliche, and a bit old. it's not bad... but i think that you can maximize your potentials with these ideas. mm flow doesnt seem to be much of aproblem tho.. which is good. i suppose. i'm glad that yoru not trying to rhyme every which way.. which is also a plus. mm over all i guess it needs some work
It's not stalking to watch her sleep if she fell asleep watching a movie.
a silly wind
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(='.'=) LoNg LivE tHe BunNy!
(")_(")