#1
Rooms side by side
not close,
but the people inside are shy

Look to the floor
and realize,
we are the ones who cry

If you ask him a question
be sure to ask it well
just know that he will try

Rooms all filled with rain
silent eyes,
and violent cries
another child dies

pretend we dont have problems
they pretend they have futures
as they bury him from the vultures
#2
I like how these lyrics are probing - you have to think about them

but the first stanza seems to me like it's self conflicting - if the rooms aren't close, people should be shy. if you said "they're close" or "are close" it would make more sense, IMO.

in stanza 4 I like the first three lines, but the last line (which makes a couplet) doesn't really work, meter-wise. if you said something like:

Rooms all filled with rain
silent eyes, and violent cries
blood splatters past my gaping thoughts,
another child dies

something like that, to give it more flow and less excessive rhyme.

in the last stanza, again you have the double rhyme at the end. maybe it flows with the song you have, but to me it seems excessive.
this is just me, (and I like four-line stanzas... maybe it's a weakness) but I would say something like

pretend we dont have problems
they pretend they have futures
now the truth washes out as
they bury him from vultures

just my thoughts. overall, very good, very provoking
#3
Thank you ever so much for your input, opinions and suggestions.

"Rooms all filled with rain
silent eyes, and violent cries
blood splatters past my gaping thoughts,
another child dies"

I am not too sure about the blood splattering part as i did not want to include any visuals on this piece.

I think some of it flows and some of it does not, but i will try and make is smoother soon.

The rooms are not too close and the children are shy, the idea is based on african children and the effect of aids, and the camera's and white people make them shy. I might include some detail on the small shacks they live in made from mud, but i would rather not.

Thanks.