#1
The clock ran out of its digits,
but the time still hasnt arrived,
but it doesnt matter anyway, I
can't watch it tick by.
Its not two am anymore.

The leaves are growing back
on the tree in my front yard,
rebirth of the planet, or at least
this part closest to the sun.
It melted down the tires on my car.
I'm stuck here, but I really never get that far.

I stacked some pillows out on my porch,
preparing myself like Fort Knox protects its gold,
but I am pretty sure these pillows won't hold.
I'll be shot down in my sleep, a bird in its latest feathers.


oh boy. I can't tell you where I need to start revising.
Oh so bad and vague in every way.
Oh well.
Revising later.
C4C leave link
#2
Quote by inthegreyx
The clock ran out of its digits,
but the time still hasnt arrived,
but it doesnt matter anyway, I
can't watch it tick by.
Its not two am anymore.
Here personally I would just say that the clock ran out. Overall it's pretty good, and you're planning to revise it so not bad.

The leaves are growing back
on the tree in my front yard,
rebirth of the planet, or at least
this part closest to the sun.
It melted down the tires on my car.
I'm stuck here, but I really never get that far.
I like this stanza. The season imagery is pretty cool. However, "Or at least this part closest to the sun" kind of seems awkward.

I stacked some pillows out on my porch,
preparing myself like Fort Knox protects its gold,
but I am pretty sure these pillows won't hold.
I'll be shot down in my sleep, a bird in its latest feathers.
I have no idea what this stanza is about, but it's pretty interesting


oh boy. I can't tell you where I need to start revising.
Oh so bad and vague in every way.
Oh well.
Revising later.
C4C leave link


Over all, a pretty good work. Good luck on your revisions.

Want to check out mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=837872
Quote by Mike Birbiglia
I went to the doctor, and they found something in my bladder. And whenever they find something, it's never anything good like, "We found something in your bladder AND IT'S SEASON TICKETS TO THE YANKEES!!


Do you folks like folk?
#3
I was thinking of replacing digits with hours.
And the 'this part closest to the sun'
well, on the opposite side of the planet its trees arent growing, they are dying, so I said that,
last stanza: I need to protect myself more.
Any help there?
but thanks.