#1
I'm in an emo mood right now, so excuse the emoness
this is only the first two verses and the chorus, the rest I have yet to finish. crit please if you get the chance, and I'll C4C probably tomorrow as I have to go to bed soon. thanks!

Double edit: I recorded the song and posted it on my profile, it you want to listen to it


someday
we will find another way
we will crawl another day
all alone

someday
the air will blow away
the sky will turn to gray
as we sit down

when I see upon your face
another time another place
when I see that you still look
like you're sad

just remember another day
another hour, a new display
of the memories we have
that make us smile
and remember why you smiled after all


Edit: here's the next 2 verses and chorus again, just finished them today

someday
the flags will burn away
other faces slowly fade
into the night

someday
close your eyes and face the day
raise your fists and turn to say
be prepared to fight

when I see upon your face
another time, another place
when I see that you still look
like you're sad

just remember another day
another hour, a new display
of the memories we have
that make us smile
and remember why you smiled after all
Last edited by samick007 at Apr 18, 2008,
#2
I could see that as like a rise against song, or maybe As I Lay Dying but nothing slow and melodical or else it would be straight up emo haha
#4
Quote by Gregoriose
um... suger ray... maybe you've heard of him.

you mean this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPcX-5Tmqt8
just looked it up, never heard of him before, but my song's not very similar anyway, the first verses just start with the same word it's a different genre too

Edit: oh ok now I see what you mean, the lyrics would fit into his song, but mine's gonna be played with travis picking, more like dust in the wind kind of stuff
Last edited by samick007 at Apr 16, 2008,
#5
its good i wasnt crazy about the last part of the chorus "when i see that you still look like your sad" i dnt how the music is but it didnt fit to me, the rest is good though i liked it
#6
I think they lyrics are great, i think a slow melody really works for it although i'd have my chorus more of an upbeat faster style and then back to the slow melody. but hey its just my opinion of what would sound good, but what ever you choose to do will probably sound awesome anyways.