#1
If I met you in heaven
What would you say to me?
Would seeing me make you cry?
Would you feel like you pushed me too far?
And then left me for dead
Would wonder if I already knew
What you thought you could hide from me

I once called you beautiful
I once called you mine
I once taught you weren’t just that regular girl
I could have sworn you were more

What if you met me after we died?
Would you say you were sorry or just walk away?
Would you have any remorse or has nothing changed?
Would it matter to you if you had any idea how much I cried?
You have no idea how dead I feel inside
Even now even though it was so long ago

I once called you beautiful
I once called you mine
I once taught you weren’t just that regular girl
I could have sworn you were more

quickly wrote, needs patching up.
#3
hey Gregoriose,

Good song writting, short sweet and pleasant.

Obviously this genre is very popular and is covered a lot but this piece stood out for me, because it was readable.

My first thoughts were "someone's been listening to 'tears in heaven' by Eric Clapton" which is an amazing song, and it won a grammy.

The lyrics are very similar and basically asks the same question, about meeting a close relative or lover in heaven.

all i can suggest is maybe having some more inventive lines and a bit more originality.

Overall, i thought it was average but got its point across.
#4
Quote by gtrplyr
not bad i really like your stuff its deep. is this a true story or not? i hope not if so im sorry.
i really liked your other song too they are both very deep. keep it up

crit mine please? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...ad.php?t=839286

Only problem is when I click the link is says page not found! Thanks guys it means a lot to me. It accrued to me that this song might not come across exactly the way I intended it. Actually it’s about a girl that hurt me a long time ago and I was thinking back to that time and I remember how emotionally dead and numb I felt. So I put that into prospective of what if I physically died and went to heaven and then later when her time came and she met me in heaven how would she react.
Last edited by Gregoriose at Apr 16, 2008,
#6
Quote by GuitarPierre
well, these are really nice lyrics. only problem is that i think I've already heard basically the same thing from a certain Eric Clapton ("Tears in Heaven").

some one already meantioned that. yeah I get the point. but like I was basicaly saying before the situation is nothing like that in claptons song hes talking about seeing his son in heaven. this is talking about seeing the girl the broke your heart in heaven. so the place it takes place is the same. I wasn't aiming to make it sound like a clapton song.
#7
^ you might get less clapton comparisons if you change the first couple lines
Banging on a trash can
Drumming on a street light
#8
I think the word heaven is probibaly the part that dose that. do you thing these would be good changes?

If we met in heaven
Would seeing me make you cry?
Would you feel that you pushed me too far?
Would you feel a sense of regret?
Would wonder if I already knew?
What you thought you could hide from me all this time
#9
Quote by Gregoriose
I think the word heaven is probibaly the part that dose that. do you thing these would be good changes?

If we met in heaven
Would seeing me make you cry?
Would you feel that you pushed me too far?
Would you feel a sense of regret?
Would wonder if I already knew?
What you thought you could hide from me all this time

It sucks, dude, but tears in heaven is a very very well known song with a very very well known beginning. People see the words, would, see, and heaven and instantly think Clapton. I have a feeling people wouldn't be so quick to do that once you put music to it and/or sing it in a way that's nothing like Tears in Heaven, though.

Another crit: you need to give the song some sort of rhyme scheme. You're rhyming in places where you shouldn't be and not rhyming in places where you should be. This is all just my opinion, though.
Banging on a trash can
Drumming on a street light
#10
I think in stead I'll go with giving the first vurse the "future" theme and not the "heven" theme.

If I saw you years from now
What would you say to me?
Would seeing me make you cry?
Would you feel like you pushed me too far away?
And then left me for dead
Would wonder if I already knew
What you thought you could hide from me

I once called you beautiful
I once called you mine
I once taught you weren’t just that regular girl
I could have sworn you were more

What if you met me after we died?
Would you say you were sorry or just walk away?
Would you have any remorse or has nothing changed?
Would it matter to you if you had any idea how much I cried?
You have no idea how dead I feel inside
Even now even though it was so long ago

I once called you beautiful
I once called you mine
I once taught you weren’t just that regular girl
I could have sworn you were more