#1
That Look You Gave Me


These feelings cant be right
What I feel now is new to me
My heart drops when I look into your eyes
I lie awake at night till my dreams are dead

I wish it didnt have to be like this
I will never regret what we had
I hate that feeling of you walking past
Like your trying to forget I was a part of you

You give me that look
That look of sadness and pain
And ask "are you mad at me?"
Im gonna miss that look you gave me

I see what I am without you
I know Ive changed and I hate it too
We could have had it all but you let go
*and* I know you're never coming back

Im going to die regreting what we could have had
The thing Im going to miss the most
Is that look you gave me when you asked "are you mad at me?"
It makes me want to hold onto you forever and forget everything

I hate how much happier you are without me
I know your scared but Im not gunna hurt you
Your lost in fear of that feeling again
And I hope you know I understand

You give me that look
That look of sadness and pain
And ask "are you mad at me?"
Im gonna miss that look you gave me

Why are you doing this to me?
Why does it have to be like this?
*** Its hard enough to say goodbye to that look you gave me
Now I have to say goodbye to you too? ***

or?

*** Its hard enough to say goodbye
To that look you gave me ***



* * = keep it or get rid of it?
*** *** = which one?

C4C, I really want to read some love songs to help me with this. Any (cunstructive) critisism would be nice please dont just post "thats good" or more likely "thats bad". I dont have a recording of it because I have not finished with the guitar part of it. Also if someone could point me in the way of where I can get help with putting music to my peice, or if someone could help me here I would like it mostly in minor chords. Another thing is are there any words I should thesaurus? Or anything I should move around? Give me your honost opinion I have never had this critiqued before. Also to give some background info on this song this is about a girl I fell in love with and she broke up with me because she is still hurting over her ex. Im not going to go into details but the look she gave me when she thought I was mad at her could kill a small child. Its undescribable. Thanks for the critique!
Last edited by gtrplyr at Apr 17, 2008,
#2
Quote by gtrplyr
That Look You Gave Me


These feelings cant be right
What I feel now is new to me
My heart drops when I look into your eyes
I lie awake at night till my dreams are dead

I wish it didnt have to be like this
I will never regret what we had
I hate that feeling of you walking past
Like your trying to forget I was a part of you

You give me that look
That look of sadness and pain
And ask "are you mad at me?"
Im gonna miss that look you gave me

I see what I am without you
I know Ive changed and I hate it too
We could have had it all but you let go
I know your never coming back

Im going to die regreting what we could have had
The thing Im going to miss the most
Is that look you gave me when you asked "are you mad at me?"
It makes me want to hold onto you forever and forget everything

I hate how much happier you are without me
I know your scared but Im not gunna hurt you
Your lost in fear of that feeling again
And I hope you know I understand

You give me that look
That look of sadness and pain
And ask "are you mad at me?"
Im gonna miss that look you gave me

Why are you doing this to me?
Why does it have to be like this?
Its hard enough to say goodbye to that look you gave me
Now I have to say goodbye to you too?



C4C, I really want to read some love songs to help me with this. Any (cunstructive) critisism would be nice please dont just post "thats good" or more likely "thats bad". I dont have a recording of it because I have not finished with the guitar part of it. Also if someone could point me in the way of where I can get help with putting music to my peice, or if someone could help me here I would like it mostly in minor chords. Another thing is are there any words I should thesaurus? Or anything I should move around? Give me your honost opinion I have never had this critiqued before. Also to give some background info on this song this is about a girl I fell in love with and she broke up with me because she is still hurting over her ex. Im not going to go into details but the look she gave me when she thought I was mad at her could kill a small child. Its undescribable. Thanks for the critique!

don't dout your self so much. you got to have confidence if your lyrics. if you write thinking this isn't going to be good well it probibaly won't be. don't think about how the song is going to sound with music while your writing. my writing seems to slump when I do that. I think its good. honestly I wouldn't change it much. what genre are you looking to go with on this?
#3
Quote by gtrplyr
That Look You Gave Me
im no good at critting, but here it goes..

These feelings cant be right
What I feel now is new to me
My heart drops when I look into your eyes
I lie awake at night till my dreams are dead
i really like it.. but i must admit, i lol'ed when i read line 2

I wish it didnt have to be like this
I will never regret what we had
I hate that feeling of you walking past
Like your trying to forget I was a part of you
i really like this verse, i personally can connect to it.

You give me that look
That look of sadness and pain
And ask "are you mad at me?"
Im gonna miss that look you gave me
nice, nice

I see what I am without you
I know Ive changed and I hate it too
We could have had it all but you let go
I know your never coming back
for some reason, the last line doesnt really seem to fit, but I dont really know why, maybe its just me

Im going to die regreting what we could have had
The thing Im going to miss the most
Is that look you gave me when you asked "are you mad at me?"
It makes me want to hold onto you forever and forget everything
i like how the last two lines are a little longer

I hate how much happier you are without me
I know your scared but Im not gunna hurt you
Your lost in fear of that feeling again
And I hope you know I understand
I really really like this verse... its pretty awesome, and again, i can personally relate to it

You give me that look
That look of sadness and pain
And ask "are you mad at me?"
Im gonna miss that look you gave me

Why are you doing this to me?
Why does it have to be like this?
Its hard enough to say goodbye to that look you gave me
Now I have to say goodbye to you too?

it sorta seems like you could take out the last line and split the third one into two separate lines


C4C, I really want to read some love songs to help me with this. Any (cunstructive) critisism would be nice please dont just post "thats good" or more likely "thats bad". I dont have a recording of it because I have not finished with the guitar part of it. Also if someone could point me in the way of where I can get help with putting music to my peice, or if someone could help me here I would like it mostly in minor chords. Another thing is are there any words I should thesaurus? Or anything I should move around? Give me your honost opinion I have never had this critiqued before. Also to give some background info on this song this is about a girl I fell in love with and she broke up with me because she is still hurting over her ex. Im not going to go into details but the look she gave me when she thought I was mad at her could kill a small child. Its undescribable. Thanks for the critique!


i really liked it
#4
thank you very much both of you ill really look into that last stanza and see what i can do i had difficulties with that one so i just put something in there. ill look into it
Last edited by gtrplyr at Apr 17, 2008,
#5
Quote by gtrplyr
That Look You Gave Me


These feelings cant be right
What I feel now is new to me
My heart drops when I look into your eyes
I lie awake at night till my dreams are dead

I wish it didnt have to be like this
I will never regret what we had
I hate that feeling of you walking past
Like your trying to forget I was a part of you

You give me that look
That look of sadness and pain
And ask "are you mad at me?"
Im gonna miss that look you gave me

I see what I am without you
I know Ive changed and I hate it too
We could have had it all but you let go
*and* I know you're never coming back

Im going to die regreting what we could have had
The thing Im going to miss the most
Is that look you gave me when you asked "are you mad at me?"
It makes me want to hold onto you forever and forget everything

I hate how much happier you are without me
I know your scared but Im not gunna hurt you
Your lost in fear of that feeling again
And I hope you know I understand

You give me that look
That look of sadness and pain
And ask "are you mad at me?"
Im gonna miss that look you gave me

Why are you doing this to me?
Why does it have to be like this?
*** Its hard enough to say goodbye to that look you gave me
Now I have to say goodbye to you too? ***

or?

*** Its hard enough to say goodbye
To that look you gave me ***



* * = keep it or get rid of it?
*** *** = which one?

C4C, I really want to read some love songs to help me with this. Any (cunstructive) critisism would be nice please dont just post "thats good" or more likely "thats bad". I dont have a recording of it because I have not finished with the guitar part of it. Also if someone could point me in the way of where I can get help with putting music to my peice, or if someone could help me here I would like it mostly in minor chords. Another thing is are there any words I should thesaurus? Or anything I should move around? Give me your honost opinion I have never had this critiqued before. Also to give some background info on this song this is about a girl I fell in love with and she broke up with me because she is still hurting over her ex. Im not going to go into details but the look she gave me when she thought I was mad at her could kill a small child. Its undescribable. Thanks for the critique!


First off, I've gone through the exact same situation lately and I know how the feeling is. Writing about it is easily the best way to get it out in my experience.

But here's some critique.

Maybe change "sadness" to a better word in the "look of sadness and pain" part. It seems like it could be put better, but if you can't find a better word, sadness still works but a better word could convey the emotions better.

You had a lot of good ideas in there, I particularly like the basis of the song with "that look" being the focus of it. It's good that you can focus on those small points and turn it into a great song. Good job on this man.
#7
Quote by lespaulsg09
First off, I've gone through the exact same situation lately and I know how the feeling is. Writing about it is easily the best way to get it out in my experience.

But here's some critique.

Maybe change "sadness" to a better word in the "look of sadness and pain" part. It seems like it could be put better, but if you can't find a better word, sadness still works but a better word could convey the emotions better.

You had a lot of good ideas in there, I particularly like the basis of the song with "that look" being the focus of it. It's good that you can focus on those small points and turn it into a great song. Good job on this man.



I totally agree with you that writing about it helps but im still hurting and i could tell our whole story but i am so sick of telling it. i need to type it in a word document and save it so i can copy paste it. its really messed up.

on topic...thanks for the compliments it really helps! Ill look into different words to change sadness too or maybe even pain. thanks!
#8
It sounded very cliche with no layers. Sorry.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
#10
I reallt like it!
Keep it commin'
Quote by zadzior
Sir, Awesome stuff. You have my respect!
Quote by neon-black
aw i love your song! sell it n' it would deffo be a smash!
Quote by veggiederek
this is great. you've got the words!
Quote by kiaraiswicked
... Wauw... It really paints a picture and leaves the rest up to the imagination!