#1
classic rock/wolfmotherish vibe


i see you standin' there with your big teased hair
and when you saw me girl we locked in a stare

the color in your movements spoke louder than the crowd
and the way you walked in those red high heels makes me wanna fall

i'm on a roll!
i'm on a roll!
tonight girl it's just you and i
roll down your windows and touch the sky!

take a break from that lonely bar
follow me girl, let's gaze at the stars

now give me a chance to make you mine
cause, girl, oh you're always on my mind.

i'm on a roll!
i'm on a roll!
tonight girl it's just you and i
roll down your windows and touch the sky!

give me your heart (yeah)
give me your body (yeah)
give me soul (yeah)
i'm on a roll.

the last verse is like, scream-singed.

c4c
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Member of the 'Muse > any other band' club
#2
Hey man, I really like this piece, gives off a very Aerosmith-ish vibe which is always a great thing! I love the way you keep a simple rhyme scheme and flow running throughout, One thing I would change is the line: "cause, girl, oh you're always on my mind". I would personally drop the "oh" from it, because although it keeps the syllable count up, the line is just as, if not more, effective without it.

I think the best art of the song is your chorus. It's short and sharp but puts across the theme you are implying really well and the windows/sky imagery is very cool. And the outro chorus is very classic rock, lol, go on, imagine Steven Tyler singing it, it works!

Keep up the good work dude. Could you check out my latest piece, "Inside the Emptiness". It's a heavy/alt rock song, similar in vein to early Smashing Pumpkins work.

Here's the link, hope to read more of your stuff in the future!: Inside the Emptiness