#1
um, well, tell me wat u think
Suggestions for improvements r welcome
Don't just **** on it tho, please...
The theme should be obvious...
It wud be sung in a As I Lay Dying screamy sorta style...


This place is so empty
The place where my heart
Should still be
But the beat has been stilled
Now watch as I fall
Choking on her words

Too many times I’ve felt this
There’s always something
Going wrong for me
If God exists
Then why has he forsaken me?

I tried so hard
But I was left behind
I could only watch
As they overtook me
And in that one moment
I felt it all slip away

Too many times I’ve felt this
There’s always something
Going wrong for me
If God exists
Then why has he forsaken me?

If God exists
Then why has he forsaken me?
Why has he forsaken me?
Why has he forsaken me?
WHY HAS HE FORSAKEN ME?

Too many times I’ve felt this
There’s always something different
Going wrong for me
God can’t exist
Because he has forsaken us
He has forsaken me
Last edited by --ATREYUROCK-- at Apr 19, 2008,
#2
The lyrics are all the same to the other kinds of this music. I find it unoriginal, sorry.
#3
+1 to the crit above.. thsi is.. very dull. your playing with concepts taht people have already done, and it's all very cliche to be honest. the whole god things and why doesnt he give a damn about me is done, and it has been the complaint since... when ever we created the religion based around god.

sorry to totally **** on it but...if thats gonna make you a better writer i'm gonna take a fockin **** where ever i think it would be necessary to improve your piece(s)
It's not stalking to watch her sleep if she fell asleep watching a movie.
a silly wind
(\__/)
(='.'=) LoNg LivE tHe BunNy!
(")_(")
#5
^^Check out some of the 'wotw' archives. Dig through 'em see what you can find. Sorry man, it was just un-original.

Edit: Also not to shi t on what you like to listen to or anything, but I glanced at your profile and artists you like. Try stretching out towards other genres.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
Last edited by freshtunes at Apr 20, 2008,