#1
Fundamentalist Christians
Fueling the flames of ignorance
Reaping income from morons who follow them in trepidation

Traditionalism must be used
Judgments must be skewed
Specific philosophies must be followed

Your filth never does quit
Indoctrinating bull****
All you have is apprehension to sustain your claim

Life’s natural beauty dissipates
Because of all you reprobates
Your philosophy isn’t inimitable;
All religion’s all the same!

Sovereignty to think is abolished
Freedom replaced by stringent “morals”
Shoving bogus ideals down throats
Claiming it’s the only way

I dare to spit in the eye of your God
I spit in the eye of your abstraction
Proceed and worship your infantile ways
Remember that you misuse your time

I choose not to live in fear
No fear of damnation of others or me
Ignoring childish superstitions
Disregarding foolish claims

You’re foolish to think I can change
Amended to your futile way
I was born just as I am
And “He” or you can’t transform me to satisfy yourself!

Ugh!
#2
Nice poem. Seems very well written and the subject is something I can relate to as an Agnostic. The rhyming pattern seems very weird what with the first two lines rhyming in an AA pattern and then the following lines in the stanza not rhyming, but I guess that as long as what you've written works for the vocal delivery in the song then it'll flow together without a problem.
I realized I was god when I prayed and saw that I was talking to myself.
#3
You seem just a tad on the angry side.

Would stereotyping people based on their faith not make you a hypocrite?
Last edited by AA00P at Jun 1, 2008,
#4
Sorry but this is like a paraphrase of countless metal songs. It also seems to be more or less simply regurgitating the views of the anti-religious bandwagon that is UG.

Scrap this, right a song when you've grown up a bit and have a better fix on who you are. Sorry to be so harsh. Other than that, the only practical crit advice I can give is to use less big words. If you have to use them, at least try to add some sort of emotional dimension other than 'big words are metal, so I'll force them in wherever possible.'
We're only strays.
#5
Quote by Martyr's Prayer
Sorry but this is like a paraphrase of countless metal songs. It also seems to be more or less simply regurgitating the views of the anti-religious bandwagon that is UG.

Scrap this, right a song when you've grown up a bit and have a better fix on who you are. Sorry to be so harsh. Other than that, the only practical crit advice I can give is to use less big words. If you have to use them, at least try to add some sort of emotional dimension other than 'big words are metal, so I'll force them in wherever possible.'


This isnt exactly metal, this is grind, but close enough. Are you saying being an agnostic is immature? I think religion is immaturity at it's best, but thats my opinion. I'm pretty comfortable in my religious views and I should feel free to express whatever I wish.

You're a christian, it's obvious. I personally do not think someone of your stature shouldnt even be critiquing anything like this. Enjoy living in fear and prasing your beloved empty throne. Thank you.
Last edited by madbass at Apr 19, 2008,
#6
Quote by madbass
This isnt exactly metal, this is grind, but close enough. Are you saying being an agnostic is immature? I think religion is immaturity at it's best, but thats my opinion. I'm pretty comfortable in my religious views and I should feel free to express whatever I wish.

You're a christian, it's obvious. I personally do not think someone of your stature shouldnt even be critiquing anything like this. Enjoy living in fear and prasing your beloved empty throne. Thank you.


Being agnostic is not immature, no. I'm only saying (and you helped to support this with your reply) that your views are undeveloped, judging from your lyrics. Like I said, once you're a bit older you'll get a better sense of self as opposed to emulating others.

I'm done in this thread because this is a lyric critique forum and we're just arguing. My fault, sorry.
We're only strays.
#7
Quote by madbass
You're a christian, it's obvious. I personally do not think someone of your stature shouldnt even be critiquing anything like this. Enjoy living in fear and prasing your beloved empty throne. Thank you.


I believe in your "song" you say something about "fueling the flames of ignorance". I'm not totally sure about this because I honestly can't be bothered to read it again. However, the above quote is incredibly ignorant, and proves your immaturity. If it is not immaturity, then you are incredibly passionate about your beliefs and shouldn't need to ask for criticism of your song.

More importantly, when you post something to be criticized, you should not attack a critic's opinion simply because it is not the type of feedback you wanted to hear.
Member Of Jackson/Charvel Owners Group
#8
Quote by madbass
You're a christian, it's obvious. I personally do not think someone of your stature shouldnt even be critiquing anything like this. Enjoy living in fear and prasing your beloved empty throne. Thank you.



And a person of your grammar and spelling shouldn't be writing. Seriously? A double negative, a missed apostrophe, and misspelling "praising"?

Now, onto the point. You are obviously not mature enough to understand that there are always going to be people with a different view than you and that their opinion is as equally valid as yours, especially regarding something as intangible as faith. You are also not mature enough to handle constructive criticism, which is what he gave. Someone really does need to grow up a little bit, eh madbass?

Stop flaming the guy and enjoy a warning for doing so.

*reported*
#9
Quote by Blackballed
I believe in your "song" you say something about "fueling the flames of ignorance". I'm not totally sure about this because I honestly can't be bothered to read it again. However, the above quote is incredibly ignorant, and proves your immaturity. If it is not immaturity, then you are incredibly passionate about your beliefs and shouldn't need to ask for criticism of your song.

More importantly, when you post something to be criticized, you should not attack a critic's opinion simply because it is not the type of feedback you wanted to hear.


That is actually the smartest thing I have heard all day. This should not be up on here due to my own personal opinion. Thank you.