#1
I can prove to you God isn’t selfish,
He made me,
He could’ve made somebody worth his time,
But He made me.
A drunken rambling poet,
Dancing with plastic shoes,
In this room filled with whores,
As I wait one last night,
For one more cheap fuck.

There’s a wasteland growing in Boston,
As we plant concrete in the parks,
To clean up the junkies and the bums.
They are the true gladiators of our generation,
Fighting society for our entertainment,
We already know the ending,
But seeing other peoples pain,
Helps us forget about our own.
We just love watching the underdog lose for a change.

If I lived in the thirties maybe I could be useful,
But when God made me,
I must have been the paint,
He scrubbed off of black peoples hands.

See,
I wasn’t even good enough to be black.
#3
Quote by hammondrckr
let the flaming begin



i actually don't mind it
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Quote by a6l6e6x1
wow
im "talking" to the future greatest director in the world
PRIVELAGED


member #9 of "The Beatles really are the greatest

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#4
why are you singing about a load of ****. im sick of the god talk its everywhere, how dumb do you have to be to be christian
#5
first off please spell Columbine correctly, thats degrading to spell it wrong....also why are you using it in the title? it makes no sense....some of us actually have strong feelings towards this day for very personal reasons...wow, seriously think, and think of others before you post a title like that....wow
Check for "Taking a Picture (Won't capture this)
#6
Quote by Fallen_Misery
first off please spell Columbine correctly, thats degrading to spell it wrong....also why are you using it in the title? it makes no sense....some of us actually have strong feelings towards this day for very personal reasons...wow, seriously think, and think of others before you post a title like that....wow
Ok thats it. Iv figured out its only americans that get offended by everything and anything
#7
I'm sorry for being offended at the fact that this happened less than a mile from the school I was attending at the time and for the fact that I knew someone who was murdered during it....hmmm why should I be offended? I don't know
Check for "Taking a Picture (Won't capture this)
#8
Quote by Fallen_Misery
first off please spell Columbine correctly, thats degrading to spell it wrong....also why are you using it in the title? it makes no sense....some of us actually have strong feelings towards this day for very personal reasons...wow, seriously think, and think of others before you post a title like that....wow

Maybe if you read into the piece more you could understand it. There are reasons why things like Columbine happened. Reasons why we should remember, for the good and bad.

To Blues Billy: The last lines were really strong, and I loved how you referenced Boston, that whole verse was excellent. Opening seemed a little weak though.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
#9
Yo.

Disregard any and all "bullshit" you take for this. I love the fact that this is edgy, and people who are being offended aren't reading the piece, they're reading the tile and deciding they hate it before they read it.

This was more than solid. It was a beautiful social commentary laced with cynicism and tongue-in-cheek ideas. Your control of the tone was excellent. My only complaint is that the first stanza doesn't connect to the rest of it as well as I would have liked. The last bits just seem to fit together so perfectly, but then there is the first stanza which I thought had some ok ideas, but it just doesn't sit in the piece as well as it should. God, this was wonderful though. Yeah, you are gonna take some flak for it... but yeah. Good work, those last two/three stanzas are some of my favorite I've ever read.

EDIT: on re-read... didn't like the thirties line... didn't see any use to it at all.

If you could leave a comment on my newest, its a poem (magnet thingy) I'd appreciate it.

Oh, and I reported Christian boy to, for being an idiot.
Last edited by ZanasCross at Apr 20, 2008,
#10
Quote by mitch311
why are you singing about a load of ****. im sick of the god talk its everywhere, how dumb do you have to be to be christian


Not on this forum.
Warned.


The piece itself was a bit preachy for me. I could feel the raw emotion behind it, but I did feel you fumbled a bit in your tries to convey the feelings underneath the words.
It's a blunt piece, of course, but I felt it lacked the subtleness in the wording, that would have compensated for the harsh content.
This is not a pipe
#11
To the haters: I'm sorry for offending you. I merely wanted the title to be ironic, seeing as how today is the anniversary of Columbine.

To Zach: Thanks for the crit. I wanted the first stanza to be kind of ironic as well. Like "Hey I'm the worst person there is" , but then come around with the other stuff. I dont know. That probably didnt make any sense at all. I should get to yours tommorrow.

Edit to Zach again: And the thirties line was referencing Hitler. Because today is also his birthday.
Last edited by bluesybilly at Apr 20, 2008,
#12
Great piece. The underdog line was my favorite.

And wow, I love how simple some people can be. Thats all I have to say.
We're only strays.