#1
a future too far to see
naked eyes can't view past these waves
so i evade what seems a set fate
a thousand rafts but still a castaway

my tunnel vision keeps me safe
keeps me from seeing, realizing
that the rescue passed by me

i run for the future
i race toward tomorrow
still stumbling
is this how time will run out?
until there is only an end
and no more running?

revive my life
let me keep this dying sight
as i live in fastforward
as these moments slip by
i don't want to dream forever
i don't want to find myself
still looking forward
but at the end

trapped on a sinking island

i was once shown promises
so much to gain, so much time
i embraced such a future
that was so long ago
now posessed of such a doubtful mind
so much is lost

now surrounded by every monster
that will maul my ambitions
i've heard they're from the "real world"
are they illusions?

C4C!
We're only strays.
#3
i liked this piece a lot. thanks for writing it! however, a couple things.

"i race toward tomorrow" This line is too wordy. Toward tomorrow just sounds and feels like a tongue twister. try something a little sweeter-sounding .

"is this how time will run out?" i would consider taking the "out" out at the end of this line. it feels like too much. and "is this how time will run" gives the line a nice little play-on-words, you know, with the illusions to you running throughout the song.

otherwise, very good. crit is in my sig, Wasted Time and Ill Inside need a little help I think.
#4
hey dude,

sweet beginning reminded me of some chris martin styled lyrics (coldplay)
it opened the piece well.

the second stanza is also good, but then it dropped in quality and it had a dull impact (on me anyway).

its a good idea, and the title i think it very suitable, it could be shortened though.

overall though, i personally thought it was well structured, and is a good set of lyrics !
#5
Quote by Martyr's Prayer
a future too far to see
naked eyes can't view past these waves
so i evade what seems a set fate
a thousand rafts but still a castaway
Very nice, the last line works well.

my tunnel vision keeps me safe
keeps me from seeing, realizing
that the rescue passed by me
Is this a reference to drug usage? Not bad.

i run for the future
i race toward tomorrow
still stumbling
is this how time will run out?
until there is only an end
and no more running?
I don't like this at all. It feels like it has been done, the idea of running, and time running out.

revive my life
let me keep this dying sight
as i live in fastforward
as these moments slip by
i don't want to dream forever
i don't want to find myself
still looking forward
but at the end
The first four lines, are fine. The last four are out of place, or just don't tie in well with the first ones.

trapped on a sinking island
Try and find a better way to say trapped. I like the sinking island though.

i was once shown promises
so much to gain, so much time
i embraced such a future
that was so long ago
now posessed of such a doubtful mind
so much is lost
Very simple, but effective. The last line needs replacing, or tweaking though.

now surrounded by every monster
that will maul my ambitions
i've heard they're from the "real world"
are they illusions?
Strong ending, great.

C4C!


Overall not a bad piece. There are some parts that are good, some that need tweaking. Not much else to say. Possibly take a look at mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=841765
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror