#1
I've been stuck on this song for awhile until I came up with the solo, and the rest kinda flowed from there, and yes, the breakdown is supposed to sound that ****ed up.

Edit: Change the pre solo section.
Attachments:
Song 3.zip
Last edited by Themadisraeli at Apr 22, 2008,
#3
I liked it a lot! You've got some really cool riffs in there and I liked how you used chords other than powerchords here and there. The breakdown doesn't sound that ****ed up, it's cool and it fits the song. The only thing i didn't like was the solo. It had some good ideas, but it was way too wankish for my taste. Ease up on the shredding! And also, use bars, i hate to look at tabs like this...

overall: 7.5/10 good job!

Want to crit my song? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=818349 Don't mind the second solo, i just realised it blows (it's also too wankish )

grtz
#5
I love your melody in the beginning dude. It flowed great, I'm trying to do what your doing right now. Is make a simple riff sound complicated. The solo work is superb lol. I wonder how it would sound recorded. 10/10 awesome work. Sorry i havent been around lately. I tried staying away from computers for a week. Cause my parents put a password on all my pc's so i cant go on them. I recently cracked it lol but its getting changed as soon as they get back from work. So todays the last day i guess. Talk to u later!
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#6
holy ****.... that was awesome.
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#7
Hey, I liked this one, but there are some things you could do to make it better, definitely.

-I liked your initial riff
-Maybe add drums to the song? Gives an unprecedented feel.
-I liked the solo, but I think you should rework it a little bit, to stay in key with your G#-D-B-F progression.
-I liked the G#-D-B-F, I-bIV then I-bIV again in the b6, but remember, tritone progressions are really hard to develop.

7.5/10- keep it up, and add drums, dude, i'd sound awesome.
4/4 is just so boring. <_<
#8
I didn't like any of this very much to be honest . I think you should learn some music theory and how to use a scale (Besides the chromatic scale) properly. Also, complete your scores. Open it and press F11, see all those errors? before composing more, I think you should also get to know the powertab software better.

Overall for sound, the song gets about a 4.5/10 for mainly structure.
The leads did not correspond with the rhythm in the least It hurt my ears and is nowhere near thrash metal. It's more doom then anything. I hope to see your progression sometime soon.
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#9
I usually take negative criticism to heart and seriously, but this is just a joke.

if your going to make a comment than I think you as a musician are obligated to state what I'm doing wrong, even though I fail to see where in the world you get off stating more or less that there is nil theory involved in what I wrote. Neither do you appear to have a very good ear if you actually think the rythm and lead clash in their cadence. maybe your one of those people who need drums to fully "get" a song, which is cool, but to put it up as if I have no idea what I'm doing I think you've no idea what your talking about.
#10
Sorry it took me so long to get to this. These are my thoughts listening to the song.

I like the first riff. It's a bit generic but it sounds good, and it changes quickly so it doesn't get old. The riff at 3 (I guess this spot wouldn't actually be measure 3, but since there are no line breaks, thats all I have to go by) is excellent. I like how it doesn't rely on chugging a pedal point, something that most riffs even in the best metal songs end up doing. The part i don't like abou this riff is the major chords at the end of measure 4. I think it would sound better if they were minor chords, or even sus4 chords. (If you don't know what I'm talking about I'd be happy to clarify.) The riff at 11 sounds a little odd in some parts. The chords you used drift in and out of key making it sound a bit awkward, but I see what you're getting at with the riff. I like the little melody that comes in at 12, but I think it would sound better with a harmony the second time around. The pause at 16 sounds very out of place, but I'm assuming that's just a placeholder for drums or vocals or something. The riff at 17 is good, but it doesn't fit the song too well, and then it seems to change all of a sudden into the riff at 19. Maybe I'm missing something, but it just doesn't seem necessary in the song. 19 isn't my favorite in the world, mostly because I'm not fond of that chromatic up and down thing, but it fits the song alright. The solo at 20 is nice and chaotic, but a bit too random and is totally devoid of anything really remarkable. There's just too much happening at 22. It gets ridiculously cluttered and noisy to have any relevance to the song. 26 would be good, but for some reason the rhythm bothers me. Something about it just sounds off. The rest of the song is pretty much repetition.

Overall, not bad. It seemed to lack anything particularly memorable and some parts just sounded strange, but there's some solid ideas here. 7/10.
#11
Quote by Themadisraeli
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#12
The transition between 15 and 16 is rather abrupt... And at 28 to 29.. I think there could've been a better transition. But these probably sound better with a full band behind them.

And, 11 times is a bit much on the ending repeat.

But other than that, good job.
#13
This is... intense. I really, really liked most of it.

I didnt like the huge chord riff though, that came after the solo, and before the intro riff, I just thought the chords were a bit to huge (you could get rid of some notes, and it'd still sound cool). The chord thing before the solo was also a bit weird, but it worked and sounded pretty cool.

And also, use bars! It makes it easier to crit. And markers help too.

Great job on the song overall though.
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#14
Nice one! This song has some nice riffs, nothing special, but good straight-forward riffs. I´d like to hear it with some more Progressive timings, Drums and maybe a better end. That end now kinda sucks. 7.5/10
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#15
good
the harmonized part
solo 1&2
the riff right after the solo 1
the ambience

bad
the riff from the 2.20 minute..
the outro was a bit.. don't know. i didn't like it.


sry, but i can't analyze songs better.. (;
good song.
i think it would be better if you substitute the riff at 2.20 with another riff or leave it out.

8/10
#16
**** sorry mate only just realised I never replied to your crit:

Anyway, I checked out Sun Caged (or at least the song Afraid to Fly) and it sounds quality - thanks for recommending! I'm sure I'll be having a look at more of their stuff in the next few days.

Right your song:

First riff is good, and I'm a big fan of the harmonisation, but you really need a drum track behind it, or keys or something. Get hold of guitar pro - there are always certain sites that can help you...

Anyway like one of the previous guys said, the tritone based stuff is good and dark sounding, but it's so hard to link it in with everything else - you do a fairly good job but it just isn't quite perfect. The little solo is good (i can't give you timings or bars because guitar pro decided to import it in 32/4 time....helpful) but I'd like to see some bends or slides or something - different techniques, as it is it sounds a little bland really.

The chugging riff is ok I guess but the one after is very nice, again though it needs some keys behind it really. The second solo is certainly more varied in terms of technique than the first but it all just sounds a bit random in terms of notes. Always try and use chromatics as either passing notes or for fast build up runs to a big bend or sweet note - your solo shouldn't be full of them or it's just meaningless as you lose the key tones of the scale (3rds and root etc) - emphasise those notes and you've won half the battle.

I really don't see the need to switch to triplets - it disrupts the feel. Definitely work on that riff. It just doesn't work whatsoever. The outro riffs are good - one thing I haven't said yet is that you do make the odd time sigs work well.

Anyway this still needs a bit of work - it's faily unfocussed and relies too much on chromatics for my taste but it's definitely got potential.
#17
Hm. Most of it was pretty good. Alot of good riffs in this song. Though, some of the transitions were rough, if not nonexistent. Some problems I have with this would mainly be the use of chords that sound out of place (the major chords in measure 4). It would sound better if you used minor chords or something of the sort. Major chords just sound weird in a peice like this. Also, the melody starting at measure 12 was nice. It sounded alot like Arch Enemy. But, it could have been a little more thought out because when you moved up from the 9th fret to the 21st...it sounded kinda harsh on my ears.

Everything from there up to the solo was good. The solo itself was good as well, but as a few people before me have said, you could have eased up on the shredding a little. Don't get me wrong the shredding sounded good, but it would have been nice to hear a break from the shredding and have a few slower and more melodic measures. But, overall, it wasn't a bad solo.

The rif after the solo with the bar chords...didn't like that at all. It didn't get much better with the leads over that either. You should probably make those powerchords or something. Or scrap the riff and work around it. Though, I liked how you revisited the intro riff after that, but a transition there would have been nice because it didn't really seem to flow. It was a good idea, but needs to be tweaked a little so it does seem so abrupt. THen the rest was good until the very last measure. WHYYYYYYYYYYY did you have it repeat so many times? I had to stop it after like the 3rd repeat. It got so boring. If you're going to have it like that, at least throw in some variation to spice it up.

Oh, and PLEASE, for the sake of my eyes (as well as everyone else's), put in markers and music bars. It's so painful looking at a messy score.

Other than that it was a pretty good song. A few things that need some work, but definitely has alot of potential. I'd give it a 7.5/10

If you get a chance, could you crit one of mine? Links in sig. The very first one listed is my newest. Cheers.
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