#1
Okay tis finished apart from drums and main solo now i cut off the end and just had a transition for the ending, so i could bridge that into another song if i wanted to.

anyhoo have a look see what you think.

i also included another kinda riff/song section i came up with today in midi and gp5
check it out.
Attachments:
ProgDeath.zip
Last edited by ch715dallat at May 7, 2008,
#3
i will once i finish it lol, i'm trying make it a big long fecker with lots of different sections but im stuck at the moment.
#4
Man, this was really cool. I enjoyed it.
-I liked Riff 1 alot, a bit random sounding, but I liked it. Went on for a little longer than I would've liked it to, but the bridge kicked in and I had new found interest.
-Your tapping part in riff 2 gave it a really unique sound, liked it alot, dude. (the part at the end of bar 26).
-I liked the chords in the transitions, your use of jazz inspired chords gives a good feeling (11th/9ths) to it.
-The RPT section was a good breakdown kind of. Liked it. The fast melody following it was really cool as well, was a bit reminiscent of the first/second riff.
-The slow down transition into chuggy had to be my favorite part of the song. Chuggy rules, dude. Very White Walls reminiscent of Between the Buried and Me, even in the same time signature as the opening riff, but you didn't copy it or anything, just sounds similar and it rules.
-Wicked sweep to finish out the chuggy part at 87, and bars 88 and 89 sound random, but I can tell it's a well-thought out transition, it's really good.
-Finish it XD

8.5/10 so far.
4/4 is just so boring. <_<
#5
thanks man, the first riff may go on a bit long but i do intend to have vocals over it, and also i might try mix it up a bit through in some stutters and change the timing in parts to mess it up a bit. and same for some of the other initial riffs. and thats not tapping its just some trills but yeah

i need to get some weird transitions in here and some more odd timings as i like that kinda thing

Last edited by ch715dallat at Apr 22, 2008,
#6
it sounded like you didnt have anything in mind for the first riff besides the keypad bashing.
The rest is pretty good plus i think its your first work with a constant key =P missing a main solo though :[
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#7
no the first riff was thought out actually so suck ma bawls but i know youre not into that kinda music so i accept youd never like it, and actually most my music has a constant key but w/e and ill be putting a solo in there somewhere its not finished

i changed a little bit at the end there, but yeah once im done with messing up the riffs timing wise itll be alot more interesting im going to scrap that big transition and complete rework that.
Last edited by ch715dallat at Apr 22, 2008,
#8
Man I'll crit this for real later, but man I fell asleep during it (it wasn't boring I'm just very tried)
and man my half asleep mind started singing the coolest vocals, imagine freaking Godsmack or something, it actually seemed to work with this music, even though your music is kinda BTBAM like. It was during bars 80-88, if you are wondering. Will crit later.
#9
God, when the fook are you gonna learn how to do some damn drums for once foo?! haha. they weren't as bad as they usually are tho

Anyways the riffs are pretty sweet, I think you should add some more harmonization and some bass in there too. Those chords you were using were pretty good wicked as well. Damn, this whole thing sounds like it could be a BTBAM song! lol.

the chuggy part reminded me a lot of white walls haha. You're gettin pretty good at writing stuff man. I still remember those shitty-ass metallica songs you used to make . Add a damn solo too! And put in some bass, just to give it a fuller sound. Anyways, keep up the kickass riffage man, and the drums aren't that bad lol. I would really like to hear the final product
#10
The drums werent active enough for the guitars and the really technical stuff.

I thought everything was really good, just the drums shoulda been more erratic, and crazy, cause it would add to the feeling of the song, and would make it more intense. Atm it seems as if the drums kinda plod along behind the riffs.

Finish it! And then work with the drums!
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#12
nooooooooo, stop criting the drums people i told you i havent started on them, theyre literally just there for time keeping when im playing along with it intead of the annoying ass GP metronome but yeah im working on it bit by bit each day.
#13
Ok listened to it fully. I really think you should harmonize the first riff on the time that you have section called firstriffrpt or something, not a gay harmonization, more like a crazy sounding one. The chuggy part was really great, I loved that. Some of the transitions got tiring, because they were all structured the same. I pretty much liked most of and it was really awesome at some parts. The drums fit fine, they aren't awesome or anything but they aren't bad either. A bass would really help. I really hated the ending, I understand what you were trying to do but it didn't work, you should either change it (and make it work) or make up a new one.

8/10 Good job
#14
hey man thanks for the crit,

i cant seem to do anything harmony wise with that first riffthat i think sounds good, ive changed up the second riff and a bit of the big transition thingy tho

Edit: Just change the middle section by adding in a kind of Mathcorish section, and by mathcore i mean a bit weird but not too mathy the repeated riff will probably be changed quite a bit as well.

this song is taking forever although im not working at it solid to be fair.
#15
Ok, first of all, this is crazy ****! Not in a bad way, but it´s crazy ****. But the drums.... Meh, they suck. Nice Riffage, something you don´t see too often. But the lack of Melodies disappointed me. The End slightly dissapointed me, too... but overall nice song 7/10

Maybe crit mine?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=847032
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Banned for being the coolest April 08'er on UG.


please check out my own album:
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#16
This was pretty good, it reminded a lot of Spawn Of Possession, except a bit slower and less complicated. I wasn't really fond of the breakdowns, but then again, I don't like deathcore. The song ended kind of suddenly though.
#17
its not finished thats why, and drums are just far time keeping i keep saying havent worked on them yet

Edit: Updated a bit
Last edited by ch715dallat at Apr 28, 2008,
#18
Thats heading towards Necrophagist type stuff. its not quite fast enough but its got the exactly that same riffing in some parts. 8/10. sweet song
#19
some parts bored me a bit but only because you repeated them to many times, like the intro. It was really good the first time through though. I tried to play some of those random riffs near the beginning and could not keep up, which is rare because I am used to Dream Theater and PTH or stuff like that. The riffs were very good in my opinion though.

Everything else was great.

Thanks for ur crit btw
#20
weird :s i though i was doing a good job in not repeating too much and keeping plenty of variety in there. also the most of the first section will have growled vocals on there so the second time through the first riff or even the first aswell.
#21
The first section does sound like death metal, even though the rhythm is not well defined, and there is a sudden break there (well, I guess death metal is like that).

I don't know why I loved that augmented chord, it made me laugh , dunno why..
As death metal, it sounds weird, but I am not going to criticize that, as it is indeed death metal..
I have to say I enjoyed Riff2 the most, sounded best, had better rhythm.
Well, I have to differ actually, the best part is the break without doubt, and the melody subsuquent to it...
The melody with octaves, etc was pretty good, I liked best 70.
WHo is Mathy? Sounds more weird (with signature changes, etc) though...
Last riff is pretty good too...
Wow, you really work on those transitions! They at least smooth the whole song, and sound good...

Well, maybe wanna add another ending to the song? It seems so rushed (add at least a deadly chromatic run or something at least)....

For death metal (or prog, or smog, or whatever), I liked it

8.5/10 Keep going....

C4C?
Choos from sig if you want...
#22
thanks man, about the rushed ending, that isnt it finished, that last melody kinda thing is just there so i remember it, i will build on it for an outro much later in the song, it wont go straight from that chugged riff to that lol.

and thanks for the crit, i put alot of effort into the transitions yes :P

and mathy isnt a person lol, its just saying its a weird section.
#23
The first is ok, leaves you wanting to know what will happen next. I like trans 1, sounds nice with the 2 guitars. Riff 2 is amazing if you like death metal(I dont really like death metal, but I still like the riff and can appriciate it). riff 2 is pretty good too. I love the break. Melody sounds great to. mathy is ok. lead riff sounds great. Overall sounds great, but a few things. The first half dosn't feel "complete" its missing something like more instruments, etc. You know what I mean? also, I hate the 38 snare for drums!!!! lol, I like using 40, sounds like...I dunno, lol

8/10
#24
The main problem with this is the flow of it and the quality of transitions. Although it is very much through-composed there needs to be a more defined structure, maybe one of the riffs being the 'central theme' that repeats occassionally throughout. I know its not finished but rather than sounding like a single entity its much more just like a collection of riffs meshed together. Although, from bar 76 everything seems to make much more sense. From the mathy section to the melody to the chug to the proceeding melody, everything seems to flow much more and compliment eachother.

Bars 85-92 are very nice, particularly where you develope that melodic theme with going from the open tonic note on the rhythm guitar to (specifically 89-92) more melodic chords. Personally i think that theme needs to be repeated again at some point cause its a really strong section that isn't given enough light.

So far, as a work-in-progress, this is very good and with a few tweaks here and there could result in an extremely impressive piece. Im not one usually to give a rating but if I were to it would be 8/10 ish. Good work.
#25
I'll start off by saying the drums really didn't bother me, as the riffs themselves were strong enough to balance out any lacking in the drums.

Riff 1 was solid, although I'm confused why you dropped the chug rhythm and just made both guitars the same thing. Transition 1 was cool, especially the little harmony at the ends. It seemed kind of iffy in the first bar of it, though.

Riff 2 reminds of me Dissection (melodic black metal, in case you don't know). That's only a good thing in my opinion. The harmonies are great.

Riff 3, good once more, bars 27 and 28 fit together great.

The break doesn't really seem to fit with everything before it, but it leads in perfectly to the rest.

Both Pre-Melody and Melody were good, if not slightly generic. The shake up at bar 50 was a good move, it grabbed my attention immediately. The lead was nice, but I felt it could have resolved back to the beginning a bit better.

Octave section reminded me of Dissection again, and was good all around. The mathy section fits surprisingly well.

To prevent myself from just repeating everything again, I'll just say the rest of the riffs are great. The only thing I didn't like was the 'Heavy' section, it just sounded boring and generic. The lead from 101 to 100 was really nice.

In total, there's still plenty fix, concerning drums and transitions. And, of course, adding bass as well.

But so far, this is fantastic. I'd love to see the finished product. So far, an easy 8.5/10.



Crit my latest?: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=835965
#26
Mmm i liked this a lot. A lot of the beginning kinda sounded the same in some parts but over all it was great. i loved the break, octave, and mathy section a lot very technical. So really all i could say that i was iffy about would be the beginning. over all great work =)
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#27
Alright, listened to it once.. Now I'm gonna listen again and crit while doing so.

*ahem*
Opening drums are a good intro.
The first riff is pretty solid.
I like the pause into the repeat of riff one. It pulled me in tight.
The next lead part is nice... I really like the transition.
Riff 2 is pretty solid.. But the trills sound really muddy on midi... I can't hear it go down the half-step, so I can't say much about it.
Riff 3.. The type of lead you're writing is getting a little boring without vocals.. Luckily, it goes into the break soon.
I like the break... But the lead is really low in the mix. Only hear a few parts of it.
The pre-melody is cool. I loved the quarter triplet in 50.
I think the rhythm from the pre-melody really fits the melody nicely.
Octave part is cool.
Mm. "Mathy" is very nice. I don't really see any lyrics going over it though.. Unless you bring the volume down a lot.
Riff 5 is just freaking straight on. My leg started vibrating from the awesomeness.
The transition into "heavy" was nicely done as well.
The lead at 122-124 comes in really randomly.. However I can imagine it working on an actual recording.

I'd just like to say one more thing... Don't throw in time signature changes just because you want it to be progressive... Most of yours could've been avoided.. But I'm not gonna say you should have.. I use changes into 5/4 and 3/4 sometimes too, so I can't say I don't see where you're coming from... I'm just saying that I've seen people use x/4 to y/4 to z/4 to x/4, etc changes just to seem progressive.


Good job though. I can't wait to hear the finished product. 7/10

Would you mind listening to mine? =)
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=852729
#28
I think that the song was great - and everything I wanted to say has already been said near enough - one thing I would remind you is to right the drums in the eighth-note to triplet chug thing with the triplets in mind (aka make the drums do the triplet at the end of the riff as well to lock it in - it was a bit hard to decipher - and yes, I know they aren't the real ones, just giving you a heads up when it comes to it).

If you think this post was C4C worthy (I don't personally, but you know), can you critique this? Cheers!
#29
Very cool man. It's just the first riff that didn't really do anything for me. But I imagine with vocals added that would help.

I think my favorite parts in there were riff 2 til the octave part.
-TheTrueAceOfSpades
Last edited by TrueAceOfSpades at May 6, 2008,
#30
Thanks man, it sounds better when played anyhoo,

ive cut off the end and called it a day on this one, its short by prog standards but i hate prog that drags on for the sake of it. i have left a bit in the middle where a solo will go (over that kinda high melody thing) so the end of the solo will blend with the riff back into the chuggy bit as it sounds a bit disjointed atm.

Have a look,

i also included a section in GP5 and Midi of my next song.
#31
I don't really like the intro that much. I especially liked the instrumental section.
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Last edited by Gyroscope : Tomorrow at 01:00 PM.
#32
ive scrapped this, ive decided i dont like it, im going for a more Deathmetal/Hardcore Styled Riffing with alot of progressive elements in my next song, im halfway through and im still happy with it, also im working on the drums as i go through so they sound pretty good

like a cross between: Vital Remains, BTBAM, DEP, Decapitated and Opeth so far