This is a song I've been working on. It's pretty wierd and I really don't know what the message is yet. It all just strated to come to me. Tell me what you think.

I'm on a killing spree
So stay the **** away from me
"Kill, kill, shoot 'em dead"
Screams the voices in my head
I've lost all self control
A demons taking over my soul
Tonight the night I set things right
Tonights the night they pay

All those people who called me a geek
There gonna pay
All those people who called me a freak
Gonna blow 'em away... end for now
With an irresistible blend of reggae induced hip-hop and catchy pop-punk hooks, Half Chance Heroes captivates audiences with their unique sound and energetic stage show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8bSU0u8uvM
I really like the 1st stanza =] And I think the "Tonight's they PAY!" should be emphasized. Shouted/ sang louder what not.

Not so keen on the second line... I think it's the geek reference |: I like the pay and blow them away lines though
"Punk is a state of mind, and no one can take that away from you."
yea, dont force rhymes, its really noticable and it sucks. try to find a more natural rhyme. and if those words just came to you, then u should go see a doctor
Quote by FrenchyFungus

Awww, thanks Frenchy

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I got a packet of Love Hearts when I was six and every one said 'You Have a Tiny Penis'

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The last stanza is cool.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
I agree with what everyone else is saying about the rhyming, but more importantly, I think, is the rhythm in the first stanza. Every other line is 2 syllables more than the preceding one that it rhymes with, which I think is cool, but it gets disrupted in lines 5 and 6 making the flow collapse. As for stanza 2, I don't think lines 1 and 3 are doing you any favours because of the pure cliche sound in both lines used. While the wording in lines 2 and 4 are again quite typical I found the rhythm good, but they are too short probably in comparison to their preceding lines. I hope I've been of help.