#1
Hey all-

This is brand spankin new- wrote half last night and the rest just now. It's sort of like my first full take and I recorded it. It's called Came Undone, just myself and an acoustic guitar.

http://www.myspace.com/maxlsongs

Basically, it's not a flawless recording but you get the idea. What do you think of the song/lyrics/melody/vocals...

Really appreciate it!! will c4c!!!
Last edited by vinestreet98 at Apr 24, 2008,
#2
Not bad especially for having only one day writing it. The melody is good but imo the guitar needs something to make it stand out, just strumming is soo not in :P. Vocals are good and lyrics seem fine, though "...from that" kind of sounds funny / stands out. Definitely needs development, as expected, but has potential a'plenty.
#3
thanks man! i really am just a strummer, though. i'd like to record all my songs with a band but don't yet have the knowhow. i do like playing live as a solo artist though.
#5
The vocals sounds great! It's not perfect, like you mensioned, but it is sang with passion I can hear, I like how it's a bit more audacity then most singers who come across here. I like the melody in it, very pleasing to the ear. I do agree with mash71, the guitar is a bit too simple, a little change here and there would make a big difference.
#6
thanks! what do you mean by more audacity? i like that comment, but not sure i fully understand. i've only been here a short while.
#7
i really enjoyed this song, the guitar maybe be simple but very effective imo. a little lead over the top would be a nice touch. good songwriting, meaningful and catchy. the voacls were also very good. p.s untiled live song is awsome

c4c?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=845093
"Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life.Get wasted all the time, and you'll have the time of your life!" ~ Billy Connolly
#8
Like you said, it's just strumming, but you've got a good basic song recorded there, as in I can get the idea, chord progression, melody, lyrics.
I think your voice is quite good, only time it sounds suspect is near the end with the higher energy, higher pitched stuff. I see that you're going for a certain delivery, and that impassioned vibe is cool, but it does affect the quality of your tone in a negative way, sounds a bit nasal and scratchy (this isn't the case for the rest of your vocals, just to make clear) The melody's pretty good, no bum notes going on there, and the build up to the chorus is done well. Lyrically, it sounds together, no glaring flaws or bad sounding stuff, though I don't think they're hugely standout.
You've got a good basic track there, worth expanding, developing, good luck and thanks a million for the crit, much appreciated.
So many possibilities, so little ability.

Quote by Asthia
You know you're a guitar player when you tell your father what note he's yelling at you in and then improvise over the top.
#9
I really like it, i love the emotion in it, the chord progression is really cool. Its nothing spectacular as it stands now, but with some work i think this can become a great song. I think its really cool, but i think it needs a hook. Im not sure what it is though, you need to find that yourself. Wonderful emotion, great song.

C4C Please: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=845401
#10
I think it needs more of an instrumental melody, but the pre-chorus and chorus are a powerful combination of vocals and strumming that I like a lot. Try to create a rhythmic dynamic by slowing it down at one part and just doing one strum, or cut the guitar out while you sing. Obviously, doing interesting things with the song structure may be hard with only one musician, but you should explore some things that you could do by yourself. I like the "Until" song, I think it is deeper and more interesting than the first. I like the vocals on that track too, much more rough.
#11
hey all- i added a little piano harmonic melody at the end (for those of you thinking it needed some more instruments, you were right!)...
whatcha think?