#1
Keep us quiet, keep us ignorant.
We dont need to think thanks to the government.
We just pay our taxes and keep our heads down
while the media circus runs the monkeys around.

The complexity of the human condition;
how do we know what we want if we dont know what we're missing?
Somebody's gotta listen, somebody's gotta give in
to the battle cry of destiny's victims;
we dont know what we want but we sure as hell want it now!

They got so caught up in their own convictions,
they flew too far up and their promises melted,
and they came tumbling down, head first through the clouds,
to land upon their knees before the disenchanted crowds

The complexity of the human condition;
how do we know what we want if we dont know what we're missing?
Somebody's gotta listen, somebody's gotta give in
to the battle cry of destiny's victims;
we dont know what we want but we sure as hell want it now!

...and to try and solve the problem of their descent,
they tear the shirts right off our backs, broken and bent.
We're desperate for answers but we dont know the right questions,
and the shadows whisper meekly, revolution, revolution!

The complexity of the human condition;
how do we know what we want if we dont know what we're missing?
Somebody's gotta listen, somebody's gotta give in
to the battle cry of destiny's victims;
we dont know what we want,
we dont know what we want,
we dont know what we want but we sure as hell want it now!


“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk
#3
I really like the idea you've got here man, I give you 8/10 for that.

The complexity of the human condition;
how do we know what we want if we dont know what we're missing?
Somebody's gotta listen, somebody's gotta give in
to the battle cry of destiny's victims;
we dont know what we want but we sure as hell want it now!

That's pretty great.

Overall, and especially the first block, it's too blunt. It's way too obvious. Try to shield some of it in metaphors. People will respect a hundred times more, if you say something and mean another. Don't make it too complex though, because then they won't figure it out and just think you are the stupid one. Also, give some examples of what youre talking about. Don't write out a full block as an example, I mean just a single line that has an implication.

It's pretty good.
#4
For anyone who is interested theres a recording of it now up on my profile.
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk
#5
Quote by damn-right!
Keep us quiet, keep us ignorant.
We dont need to think thanks to the government.
We just pay our taxes and keep our heads down
while the media circus runs the monkeys around.

The complexity of the human condition;
how do we know what we want if we dont know what we're missing?
Somebody's gotta listen, somebody's gotta give in
to the battle cry of destiny's victims;
we dont know what we want but we sure as hell want it now!

They got so caught up in their own convictions,
they flew too far up and their promises melted,
and they came tumbling down, head first through the clouds,
to land upon their knees before the disenchanted crowds

The complexity of the human condition;
how do we know what we want if we dont know what we're missing?
Somebody's gotta listen, somebody's gotta give in
to the battle cry of destiny's victims;
we dont know what we want but we sure as hell want it now!

...and to try and solve the problem of their descent,
they tear the shirts right off our backs, broken and bent.
We're desperate for answers but we dont know the right questions,
and the shadows whisper meekly, revolution, revolution!

The complexity of the human condition;
how do we know what we want if we dont know what we're missing?
Somebody's gotta listen, somebody's gotta give in
to the battle cry of destiny's victims;
we dont know what we want,
we dont know what we want,
we dont know what we want but we sure as hell want it now!





It may be quite blunt a direct, more so than most of your other pieces I've read, but the energy here is quite excellent. Your flow as usual is miles above average, and your phrasing, diction, tone and style is consistent and strong.

And so to sum up, you rule.
#6
thankyou very much! I know this is very direct, especially compared to some of my other songs. When I came to writing it, I really struggled to get a good flow with the writing. I was trying too hard to "shield it in metaphors" then I just thought sod it, I'll just write what I want to say. It is blunt and to the point but I feel that gives it an honest energy, a sense of sincerity about the whole thing.
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk