#1
A quick something I threw together after watching a rather sad story on the news. Now maybe if I had a band something would actually come of this lol. So yeah, a blues-y rock song with some sad lyrics. Not too bad, I suppose.

__________________________

I swear to God, I’m good to go,
What do you mean I’ve had to much, how could you possibly know?

Get outta my way, I don’t wanna stay,
Cause they’ll be hell to pay, if I can’t get away!

The tears fall too late to bring him back,
Ignoring truth, advice, or fact,
Like us all, he just lost track,
As he sailed across the ocean black.

[1st solo]

The rain came down, the lightning crashed,
The colors were all melted, and all the lights flashed.

Oh no, it can’t be true, do you see it too?
I can’t tell from this view, I don’t know what to do!

The rain fell too hard to try and turn back,
Breath silence by a deafening crack.
A head was the only thing he lacked,
As he flew across the ocean black.

[2nd solo]

The tears fall to late to bring him back,
Ignoring truth, advice, or fact,
Like us all, he just lost track,
As he sailed across the ocean black.

[Fade out]
When everybody's gone home, all but the friends and lovers, that's when the best things happen.
Last edited by A-S-m-i-t-h at Apr 23, 2008,
#2
I definitely dig this piece. I agree with a good bluesy rock tune for it. Since I like almost all of it I'll just write on the minor things that I think could be tweaked.

Get outta my way, I don’t wanna stay,
Cause they’ll be hell to pay, if I can’t get away!

-Not quite sure how well this will fit into your bluesy song, maybe have it as some sort of bridge with a different tune. Possibly too many rhymes fit in there in such a short space. I just don't picture it with the bluesy sound I had in mind but like I said, a quick bridge for it may work.
Similar situation with:

Oh no, it can’t be true, do you see it too?
I can’t tell from this view, I don’t know what to do!

-fix: use a different ture like I suggested with the other part. Again maybe too many rhymes fit in there in such a short space for my taste.

The rhymes seem just a little basic and could be more complex in some places but all in all, real cool stuff, good job. I think this could make a sweet song.
#3
Thanks for the critique tr4vx! I threw this together pretty quick last night, so I haven't really gotten a chance to really tweak it yet. But thank you again for the comment!
When everybody's gone home, all but the friends and lovers, that's when the best things happen.