#1
Hey guys. This is the first half of my first attempt at a song, so sorry if it sucks. I'll post more when i get more.

I had it all planned out you know
but my scheme was the first thing to go
Feelings and words aint the same
Sometimes I wonder if it's all just a game to you

Toying around, with your smiles and my frowns
I don't plan on coming back down

Do my eyes betray to you my heart?
the weakness i'm fighting to hide
My indulgent disease, it puts me to ease, in the dark
The thought of you

So what do you think? I'm still working on it. Feedback's appreciated.
#2
Sounds good so far, keep writing. It is hard to not sound cliche when dealing with such a topic. The last 2 lines seem like you are referring to the ancient art of fapping, so if it wasnt intentional, now you know.

EDIT: Read the Forum rules on how to name your piece, this might end up closed. You want to give the title of your work and then if you feel its important, the genre
Last edited by -=Croatoan=- at Apr 23, 2008,