I am going on a plane tonight
to find myself away from home.
But if I don't come back tonight
know that I was happy when I died.
And if I don't come back tonight,
let this letter and the limitless twilight
be your guide.
For, I am going on a plane tonight,
and as the earth blacks out of sight
I will pray
and love
and fall up
into the world.

Thank you,
The mystery in this piece is the recipient of the letter. I liked how you echoed 'I am going on a plane tonight". Felt nice on my toungue. Second line is kind of dull for some reason, maybe the idea of finding ones self has been exhausted. But I got a feeling it meens seeing yourself in a different place, discovering something else far away. Take a look at mine maybe? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=13938958#post13938958
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror

I thought your imagery here was cliche and dull. There was no real spark to it, the poem plodded along on these barely characterised foundations.

I liked the mysteryious sort of feel to it but the actual content I thought lacked enthusiasm and excitment.

Maybe it was just me, idk. This one wasn't for me, I'm afraid mate.

I'll give a better crit on a future piece, hopefully.

'cept you owe me several