#1
Hi, I'm new here and this is a song i wrote about2 days ago.
I usually don't write this kind of music, but I made an exception.
(BTW, I arrange my compositions in numbers, and this is number 424.)

Hope you like it.
Attachments:
424.zip
#2
That's pretty cool sounds like something you would on Sum 41's album Does This Look Infected, it's kinda like a punk/metal thing. It's pretty good though!
#4
I'd probably give you a 5/10 if I had to rate this. It's alright, but there's some stuff that goes wrong there.

First problem, and least important, is the main riff. It's fine, it's just used a bit too much. It starts to get a little annoying. And the chorus riff isn't much different from the main riff. It doesn't really sound like a chorus. It sounds like a variation on the verse. Which then makes the feeling that the verse goes on too long, even worse.

Second problem, the bridge with the backup vocals and 2nd guitar. Bad. Just bad. The first bar of the vocals, only the first bar, is out of key. All if not most of the back up vocals are out of key. And most of the 2nd guitar is out of key. A little bit of the bass is out of key. The 1st guitar is just fine. And that gets to be a problem. I'm sorry, but this part is just bad.

Now, I'm not sure how you can improve the first problem. But that's okay. You don't really need to do anything to that because it's punk and it sounds just fine when you look at it from that perspective. It's not even that much of a problem in the first place, just kind of a little annoyance.

Now for the second problem. In the bass, change all 4's on the 3rd string to a 3. Thats all you need to do for bass. For the vocals, all you need to do is change that 2nd fret on the 2nd sting to something else. I suggest maybe fret 4. For the backup vocals, change the first two 5's on the 2nd string to maybe a 4 and a 6. Then change the 2 to a 3.

For the 2nd guitar, you're gonna have to come up with something else. I've got some ideas that I'll post.
#5
Here is an idea for the 2nd guitar. It's not great, but I came up with it in like 4 seconds and it's just to give an idea of maybe something that sounds better than what was there.

So, there you go, I critted your song. I'm sorry if I sounded like a complete douchebag while doing it, that really was not what I intended. I just want to try to help you make a better song, that's all. I'd really like it if you could crit my song "Ocean of Storms". It would really help me out to have your opinoin on that. thanks.
Attachments:
yotiXD - 424.zip
#6
It's supposed to be out of key, it gives it a special sound.
And it's not the kind of music i usually write, but I'll take the other comments in mind.
#7
Quote by yotiXD
It's supposed to be out of key, it gives it a special sound.
And it's not the kind of music i usually write, but I'll take the other comments in mind.

*slaps self in the face*