#1
Quote by Early Ante Lament
The loss of lovers is the gain of others,
You kept him dreaming all through the night,
Raindrops fall and I feel no sympathy,
The streetlight is your only friend tonight,

Cracks in the pavement and chewing gum patterns,
Bursted bubbles and a false reunion,
The girl behind the checkout smiled so sweetly,
She’ll be on the street corners weekly,

Chorus
If you feeling like the world won’t turn,
And everything is turning against you,
You start to wonder,
“Where are my friends tonight?”

A gentle kiss and her eyes spoke volumes,
I’m sure I can trace every movement,
That you made across my skin,
The scars you left, the scar I live in,

Polluted lungs walking on toxic rainbows,
And soon money starts to mean nothing,
Eloquence and a starless moonlight,
You live your life like an endless daydream,

Not too sure of the name.
"Ante" derived from "AM" or "ante meridiem".
Crit for crit!
#2
Quote by FreedomFighter
Not too sure of the name.
"Ante" derived from "AM" or "ante meridiem".
Crit for crit!


I like the name. Most people probably wont get it without an explanation but it sounds good and fits aesthetically with the rest of the song.

The loss of lovers is the gain of others,
You kept him dreaming all through the night,
Raindrops fall and I feel no sympathy,
The streetlight is your only friend tonight,


I like the internal rhyme on the first line. I immediately thought about my ex-girlfriend, so you hit something universal there. Rhyming night with tonight is a sketchy but with songs you can get away with that sort of thing sometimes

Cracks in the pavement and chewing gum patterns,
Bursted bubbles and a false reunion,
The girl behind the checkout smiled so sweetly,
She’ll be on the street corners weekly,


The visual in the first line is sublime. You might want to change "patterns" to something else though, just a personal opinion. I didn't get the false reunion part but I could just be being dense. I really like the latter two lines but the last one seems out of sync with the rhythm. A little word rearranging would make it flow better.

Chorus
If you feeling like the world won’t turn,
And everything is turning against you,
You start to wonder,
“Where are my friends tonight?”


Good chorus!

A gentle kiss and her eyes spoke volumes,
I’m sure I can trace every movement,
That you made across my skin,
The scars you left, the scar I live in,


Sorry, but I'm starting to have trouble finding anything to critique! You have a solid songwriting style.

Polluted lungs walking on toxic rainbows,
And soon money starts to mean nothing,
Eloquence and a starless moonlight,
You live your life like an endless daydream,


I like the toxic rainbow line, once again you use a visual to successfully convey a deep emotion. I didn't like the word "eloquence" in the third line, but like "patterns" in the second stanza thats more personal preference than anything.

Overall I think your style is praiseworthy. It might not be the sort of thing I would listen to but you write with skill and imagination. All I would suggest is changing the wording in parts to make it sound more natural. Otherwise, kudos! I'd appreciate it if you would critique mine: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=845462
#3
Thanks for critique guys Returning critique now.

I changed the chorus, better or worse?

Quote by Early Ante Lament, Chorus

Chorus
If you feeling like the world won’t turn,
And everything is going against you,
Sleep on my worst side,
To crush the visions of failure,
That echo around the city,
Tonight,
Last edited by FreedomFighter at Apr 26, 2008,