#1
heres my first post, have had some experience before hand though

Through the fields of Gold
and the Mountains High
We travel on till'
Morning nigh

Through Seas of rage
and the storm, of west
We ride towards
Our calling quest

And we travel on (travel on)
We carry (carry on)
We travel on (travel on)
Through the Burning Fields of gold (go-o-o-ld)

Through Sunlight strong
and the snow, so thick
we ride in time
we ride in click

The storm it gains
With rapid speed
devouring all
but not our creed

But we travel on (travel on)
We carry (carry on)
We travel on (travel on)
Still Through the Burning Fields of gold (go-o-o-ld)

Still burning Gold (still Burning)
Fields of go-o-o-o-ld (still burning)

Still burning Gold (still Burning)
Fields of go-o-o-o-ld (still burning)

And we travel on (travel on)
We carry (carry on)
We travel on (travel on)
Through the Burning Fields of gold (go-o-o-ld)


please tell me what you think
#2
My main criticism with this song is that it does sound like it's power metal.
I can see what your aiming for with it, the storm imagery, and the sense of speed, and you convey it fairly well, but very simplisticly. It's a good beginning, but I think you should develop it more. I'm unsure of the structure also, along with it's backing vocals, surely to echo the last word of the line would get repetitive eventually?
Sorry if I see more harsh than constructive.
#3
Quote by ultrasonic
heres my first post, have had some experience before hand though

Through the fields of Gold
and the Mountains High
We travel on till'
Morning nigh

Through Seas of rage
and the storm, of west
We ride towards
Our calling quest
Allthough simple, i think this part of the song which the ABCB rhyme scheme is very good as it gets the rhythm of the song going very well, so good job

And we travel on (travel on)
We carry (carry on)
We travel on (travel on)
Through the Burning Fields of gold (go-o-o-ld)
I ahve to agree with FreedomFighter, the repetitiveness of this gets a bit boring. Maybe alter it so the echo add more to the line, as you did with line 2 here

Through Sunlight strong
and the snow, so thick
we ride in time
we ride in click

The storm it gains
With rapid speed
devouring all
but not our creed
Again simple but effective verse, picking up speed and rhythm into the next chorus

But we travel on (travel on)
We carry (carry on)
We travel on (travel on)
Still Through the Burning Fields of gold (go-o-o-ld)

Still burning Gold (still Burning)
Fields of go-o-o-o-ld (still burning)

Still burning Gold (still Burning)
Fields of go-o-o-o-ld (still burning)
Expand this section. The rest of the song is very simple, you have a great chance here to be very creative! It would add alot to this piece.


And we travel on (travel on)
We carry (carry on)
We travel on (travel on)
Through the Burning Fields of gold (go-o-o-ld)


please tell me what you think


Overall tis a good solid foundation to what could be a very good song. Change the repetative echo and expand that final section and it will be very good, well done!

If you get the chance could you take a look at mine:
Link
Quote by the bartender
^ this man knows his stuff.
#4
it has been a while since i have done any critiquing, so i apologize if i am not helpful or i sound grumpy...

Quote by ultrasonic
heres my first post, have had some experience before hand though

Through the fields of Gold
and the Mountains High
We travel on till'
Morning nigh
i would try a different word instead of "gold", it is just a precaution because you use "fields of gold" in the chorus

Through Seas of rage
and the storm, of west
We ride towards
Our calling quest
in understand the questing imagery, but i am confused as how you got from the mountains to the sea in such a short period...maybe move the second verse to later in the song?

And we travel on (travel on)
We carry (carry on)
We travel on (travel on)
Through the Burning Fields of gold (go-o-o-ld)
personally, i would cut the echo and save it until later in the song or at least the last line of the chorus. maybe expand this section with a few extra lines.

Through Sunlight strong
and the snow, so thick
we ride in time
we ride in click
this is my favorite verse section. i like the use of "click"

The storm it gains
With rapid speed
devouring all
but not our creed

But we travel on (travel on)
We carry (carry on)
We travel on (travel on)
Still Through the Burning Fields of gold (go-o-o-ld)

Still burning Gold (still Burning)
Fields of go-o-o-o-ld (still burning)

Still burning Gold (still Burning)
Fields of go-o-o-o-ld (still burning)

And we travel on (travel on)
We carry (carry on)
We travel on (travel on)
Through the Burning Fields of gold (go-o-o-ld)


please tell me what you think

overall it wasn't a bad piece. i think it could work well, but i think you need to make some revisions before you finalize anything.
#5
thanks for all helping me and no none of you seem grumpy, im open to any critisism so thanks for your help
#6
If I were you, I'd change the title. Not to sound rude, but when you say 'Fields Of Gold', people immediately think Sting or Eva Cassidy.
#7
Quote by j-e-f-f-e-r-s
If I were you, I'd change the title. Not to sound rude, but when you say 'Fields Of Gold', people immediately think Sting or Eva Cassidy.


I agree.

If you change the gold, all should be well =]
Gold is to...Idk.


Very good peice overall.
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