good melody and instrumental parts, but the lyrics just don't fit it. You're trying to fit too many words in there.
But the rest was very good
Now officially has too much gear to list

PM me if you want to know about my recording setup
That's a pretty sweet melody. Cerveza is right, you did try to fit to many words in there. Try to keep the vocal melody simple when using such soothing guitar melodys. I wouldn't have put that effect on the vocals either, it makes it seam like your not a confident singer. The song was pretty good though, keep it up.
Good song the melody sounds really good. i agree with the lyrics and also i think you should turn down the bass a little it's drowning out the lryics( its that or the bass on my speakers is to high) the solo is sounds good.

Thanks for the crit on mine
My Gear

Epiphone Les Paul Standard
Epiphone Elitist Paul Mccartney Texan
Orange Tiny Terror
Vox Valvetronix AD 30
Vox V847 Wah
Metal Muff EQ (broken )
Boss RC-2 Loop pedal

Me playing
hmmm well first thing i noticed is the bass is way to high in the mix...it sounds good just too much bass ha.......like the little melody after the chorus.....same as above with the cramming of words...overall wasn't bad i liked it......c4c eh? my thread
Originally posted by Marroon5MustDie
It's spelled khoyaschotsii. Trust me, I'm a Native American. My name is Running Rainbow.
Thanks for the crit; the vocals haven't got any effects on by the way. It’s might be because my voice is just a bit weird.I've been listening to a bit of Dylan lately so the lyrics are more rapped than sung lol.
"Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life.Get wasted all the time, and you'll have the time of your life!" ~ Billy Connolly