#1
At sixteen my mother glorifed drug use to me. Sitting in the kitchen, scratching much more than the surface of the table. I only stopped by for coffee and conversation. Caffiene turned into morphine over the course of twenty minutes. She was oblivious to the fact I had tiny white capsules under my bed. I got bored when she was describing how it felt to cop.

Her boyfriend was a drugstore cowboy back in the day. Did ten years in and out of Salem State Penitentiary. Of course... he's seen double digits of sobriety, and even flushed pills behind my mothers back to try 'n keep her clean. Approaching sixty though, digging through coat pockets in the closet. Sitting on the couch preparing for the big gig.

OH CHRIST!!!!! Let's end this mass with a passage.

Filthy Towel growing old.
I offered him a dollar bill for him to get a cup of coffee, maybe sober up.
"What's wrong with the five?" He responded.
Nevermind caffiene, get 'em a pint!


~Nick
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
Last edited by freshtunes at Apr 26, 2008,
#2
Nice prose! I like how its centered and the stanzas get shorter as the poem goes on, it gives the impression of something fading away or flushing down a drain, which seems to be what your characters are doing. And despite the serious subject matter you still made me laugh, especially with the "OH CHRIST!!!!!..." and the last line.
#3
The best piece I've read all year.

That's all I have to say.

Congratulations being you.
Poor advice.
#4
Quote by freshtunes
At sixteen my mother glorifed drug use to me. Sitting in the kitchen, scratching much more than the surface of the table. I only stopped by for coffee and conversation. Caffiene turned into morphine over the course of twenty minutes. She was oblivious to the fact I had tiny white capsules under my bed. I got bored when she was describing how it felt to cop.

"Glorified drug use" has become a kinda cliche phrase I think. It's sort of typical and standard in a piece with themes such as this. Something more original would give it a bit more freshness.

Her boyfriend was a drugstore cowboy back in the day. Did ten years in and out of Salem State Penitentiary. Of course... he's seen double digits of sobriety, and even flushed pills behind my mothers back to try 'n keep her clean. Approaching sixty though, digging through coat pockets in the closet. Sitting on the couch preparing for the big gig.

OH CHRIST!!!!! Let's end this mass with a passage.

Filthy Towel growing old.
I offered him a dollar bill for him to get a cup of coffee, maybe sober up.
"What's wrong with the five?" He responded.
Nevermind caffiene, get 'em a pint!


~Nick


That was all I could actually comment on. Another solid piece, Nick.

Keep it going. And thanks for your comments bud.
#5

I actually didn't like this one as much as your others Nick. Something didn't connect.




love is a dog from hell.



#6
I liked everything about this except the "OH CHRIST!!!!!" (something excessive about the capital letters and extra exclamations) and the very last line (I can't think of a good reason). Overall, excellent.