#1
c4c


This world is not made of
candy houses and golden streets
there’s no diamonds when it rains

when there is laughter its
not in everyone’s voice
and the tears run for more than you paid

now look her in the eyes
and tell her the truth
its time to bring an end to these lies

even if she leaves
and never turns back
bring that peace to her mind

no more will I
live in this silence
when I am dying to tell her it all

no more will I
hold her hand
cause for you, I am never going to fall

now look her in the eyes
and tell her the truth
its time to bring an end to these lies

even if she leaves
and never turns back
bring that peace to her mind

the movie begins
its seems to get colder
and I find myself way too close

why must I
say I love you
when we all know I don’t

now look her in the eyes
and tell her the truth
its time to bring an end to these lies

even if she leaves
and never turns back
bring that peace to her mind

This world is not made of
candy houses and golden streets
there’s no diamonds when it rains

when there is laughter its
not in everyone’s voice
and the tears run for more than you paid

so say your good-byes
and shake your hands
its that time for you to move on

kiss her lips
hug her tight
your lives must move on
your lives must move on
#2
damm dude your lyrics are deep
Yoda i be!

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its so much funner doing it with friends tho...........like masturbation

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With your post, the pit has its rightful name - the pit, the most lowest place on earth, after a 100 feet of earth and 200 feet of sh|t .
#3
This world is not made of
candy houses and golden streets
there’s no diamonds when it rains

I'm not sure why you put the break between "made of" and "candy houses", it doesn't really make sense to me. is it a pause in the song? 'cause if it isn't, i think it just makes it more confusing. Also, it doesn't have too much flow, and there's no rhyme scheme (don't get me wrong - that's fine. but it just makes it so there's nothing to hold it together, without a strong rhythm).

I do like the imagery in this verse, and it's a good mood-setter. you might redo the last line though, to be more visually appealing.


when there is laughter its
not in everyone’s voice
and the tears run for more than you paid

Again, no real rhythm... as a stand-alone stanza that would be okay but i think that it would benefit the song to have the stanzas work with each other and have a similar flow.

I like the first two lines, content-wise. the third line is fine.


now look her in the eyes
and tell her the truth
its time to bring an end to these lies

even if she leaves
and never turns back
bring that peace to her mind

This seems to be the chorus. you have a slant rhyme with "lies" and "mind". Um... I think it's pretty weird. Personally, i think you should either rhyme or not rhyme. That's not always true, but in this case the slant rhyme is a little annoying to me.

Again, i like the content a lot.



I think that from this point, everything is good except for what I've already said.
Basically, you should look at the song's rhythm, phrasing (the breaks in the stanzas), and some of the half-rhymes.

Also, I think that it would hugely benefit the song if you used more sensory language. Paint pictures, sculpt sounds, that sort of thing. It's a very strong song already and if you work on what the listener will visualize, it will get much better.