#1
im right handed, my hands are shaking
I dot things down on paper
im fairly tall, bending knees to get inside
I put things up on shelves
But i want to be a clever boy for you
Because i have to have something to do

I see myself looking at the kind ones
I know you want a clever one, I know you want something

This can take you higher without evan trying,
It wont stop me being a cinnamon sally, or buying you a room
or the times a days smile is a days of gloom

The mind in my head is hiding from a man in a cloak with no head,
I will forgive you
he turns his cloak to look once more,
I will remember you

He doesn't want a clever one, she's been decided hes not the one
Because,
Im short sighted
my eyes are straining to focus
Im fairly clever
my pride is limping to a corner of the room we used to share
But he doesnt want me in the room, id rather run, than see the glare
because im a clever boy now,
Its just a case of exhibiting myself to a pictures crowd and sharing but what counts is
looking through my eyes too see the clever ones always run
#2
well, i don't really understand this...
i read through it a couple of times (even turned the music off) but it's either too metaphorical or too centrally lacking (i'm missing the theme...)

what I did get out of it was that there's a dude who is trying to win back this , but is plagued with very emotional memories of a place they used to share.
just my interpretation.

if you could explain this, i'd gladly do a real critique for it...
#3
Its about a couple living on a manchester council estate, and their relationship is denied by the father of the girl. The guy in the cloak is her dad, and he is described as a man with no head because hes very dense and thick and partially brain damaged from all the booze, and doesn't understand she has a clever boy with her, and as the boy is clever he is not going to hang around with a girl that has an alcoholic single parent father so he just walks or runs away from it all. Basically the situation was a boy and girl in a council house and the single parent drunk father makes the boy realize he doesn't want this girl.

I suppose its just a weird slant on perspective. maybe i should change it if it is hard to understand ?
#4
I wouldn't change a thing, but then, I'm way into this sort of work. I really like your style, and now that you explain the story behind it, you made complete sense in each and every line you wrote. Excellent piece in my opinion.
#5
This is interesting and well-written, but even with your explanation, I can't seem to understand it. But half of it's charm lies in that confusion. Although some of it made me think, "god, this writer must be on something". In a good way. Sorry this wasn't much of a critique, though..
and this moment keeps on movin'
we were never meant to hold on.