im right handed, my hands are shaking
I dot things down on paper
im fairly tall, bending knees to get inside
I put things up on shelves
But i want to be a clever boy for you
Because i have to have something to do

I see myself looking at the kind ones
I know you want a clever one, I know you want something

This can take you higher without evan trying,
It wont stop me being a cinnamon sally, or buying you a room
or the times a days smile is a days of gloom

The mind in my head is hiding from a man in a cloak with no head,
I will forgive you
he turns his cloak to look once more,
I will remember you

He doesn't want a clever one, she's been decided hes not the one
Im short sighted
my eyes are straining to focus
Im fairly clever
my pride is limping to a corner of the room we used to share
But he doesnt want me in the room, id rather run, than see the glare
because im a clever boy now,
Its just a case of exhibiting myself to a pictures crowd and sharing but what counts is
looking through my eyes too see the clever ones always run
well, i don't really understand this...
i read through it a couple of times (even turned the music off) but it's either too metaphorical or too centrally lacking (i'm missing the theme...)

what I did get out of it was that there's a dude who is trying to win back this , but is plagued with very emotional memories of a place they used to share.
just my interpretation.

if you could explain this, i'd gladly do a real critique for it...
Its about a couple living on a manchester council estate, and their relationship is denied by the father of the girl. The guy in the cloak is her dad, and he is described as a man with no head because hes very dense and thick and partially brain damaged from all the booze, and doesn't understand she has a clever boy with her, and as the boy is clever he is not going to hang around with a girl that has an alcoholic single parent father so he just walks or runs away from it all. Basically the situation was a boy and girl in a council house and the single parent drunk father makes the boy realize he doesn't want this girl.

I suppose its just a weird slant on perspective. maybe i should change it if it is hard to understand ?
I wouldn't change a thing, but then, I'm way into this sort of work. I really like your style, and now that you explain the story behind it, you made complete sense in each and every line you wrote. Excellent piece in my opinion.
This is interesting and well-written, but even with your explanation, I can't seem to understand it. But half of it's charm lies in that confusion. Although some of it made me think, "god, this writer must be on something". In a good way. Sorry this wasn't much of a critique, though..
and this moment keeps on movin'
we were never meant to hold on.