#1
Ok, this is the first song me and my friend have written, it's almost done.

Random Act Of Killing

Walk in a house/
Broken glass on the floor/
Pick up a shard/
It's a quarter past 4/
Look in the yard/
She's raking the the lawn/
Torture her all night/
From dusk till dawn-
(CHORUS)
I don't even know you/
But i'm gonna kill you/
**** the human kindness/
Its a random act of killing-
(repeat)


That's what we got so far, so uh, feedback
"Waltz it up! The pit is it!"
#2
Quote by Skippy_McNutty
Ok, this is the first song me and my friend have written, it's almost done.

Random Act Of Killing

Walk in a house/
Broken glass on the floor/
Pick up a shard/
It's a quarter past 4/
Look in the yard/
She's raking the the lawn/
Torture her all night/
From dusk till dawn-

ok so its about your/ the speakers masochistic disres, toward this girl, this sets a good mental image of what you are trying to show, not my style but it gets teh point across

(CHORUS)
I don't even know you/
But i'm gonna kill you/
**** the human kindness/
Its a random act of killing-
(repeat)

ok so this is a very angry song, i think what your trying to do is get inside the person commiting the act of violence head, kinda like a nirvana polly thing, where its from another persons perspective.

That's what we got so far, so uh, feedback

crit for crit? http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=848174
#4
^ Dont worry about it. He took the time to give you some feedback the least you could do is give him some as well.

Oh and sorry but I'm gonna report this for the title.
#5
Quote by bluesybilly
^ Dont worry about it. He took the time to give you some feedback the least you could do is give him some as well.

Oh and sorry but I'm gonna report this for the title.

i just did some feed back on yours, enjoy.

oh and TS read the rules, i think you can still change the title though, so it wont get closed.


oh and atleast look at my song, its not that hard to understand.
Last edited by aaron6890 at Apr 29, 2008,