#1
c4c

Don't think I forgot what you want for your birthday. Or did you forget that I'm good at remembering nothing? But this isn't your birthday present. It's a thank-you letter to God. (Lately, God has been receiving a lot lawsuits and eviction notices, so I thought a fan letter would do Him some good).
In His infinite wisdom, God realized that stained glass is not adequate for making mirrors. So, a quarter of a century ago, He had your parents create one that reflects divinity. Now, even atheists will take one look at this mirror and see Heaven. But every time I try to see myself in God's new mirror, only funhouse images are reflected. I don't mind though. Eventually the images will be less convoluted and I too shall be a witness unto Heaven.
In the meantime, however, could I ask one favor of you? If you're not going to deliver me, then deliver this message.Tell God that I said thank you. I would always stare into stained glass mirrors and never see a divine reflection. But God brought you before my eyes, and now all that is reflected is perfection.

Happy Birthday.
Last edited by themarsvolta at May 1, 2008,
#2
i don't know how others will respond to this, but apart from a few grammatical errors(i.e. pnly should be "only"), i thought this was great.
matter of fact it's my favorite from you by far. it's so down to earth, and not quite as "quest for the truth?" oriented.
further elaborating: with the constant religion dubbed pieces; they kind of come off as a little depressing sometimes - not to say that it's a bad thing, but i think this piece was posted with great timing. you're a very progressive writer.
well done.

- if you want you can take a look at my new piece of shit. it's called "my emancipator."
#4
There is something about your pieces that is honest... the whole religion thing is sort of refreshing because you tend to attack it both intelligently and cynically. I loved the tone in this piece and the your control of hte character. The execution was quite brilliant. The only thing that really lacked to me was actual content. There wasn't a lot here, and what was here felt "like butter, scraped across too much toast." There was some, but I don't feel like it was enough to really carry the piece. You were working to stretch the idea to its maximum, but by th end it felt as though you were repeating the same idea over and over which brings the piece down. My advice, chop a bit or add a little more content to the frame story. The actual "heavy" part of the piece loses impact when you start losing the sharpness to the lines.

Well, this wasn't much of a crit, but I'd appreciate if you could just read and comment on "sixth dimension" in my sig.

-zC