#1
Old piece that I just found from a really messed up part of my life. Very simple style.


Although at risk
Of sounding suddenly
melodramatic;
Take it back.
I don’t deserve
Your forgiveness
(even if it is
dishonest)
I stole the words
From your page
And left them on mine,
As if, as a child,
Lifted spiders
Into an ants nest,
Knowing in no way
They could survive,
There was just too much
To cope with;
The poor spiders
Were soon swallowed up.

And it was not by the strength
But the numbers they came in-
Like my apologies;
Infinite
But paper thin.
#4
gahh, i can't comment on this. i tried to yesterday; i feel so dense right now.

i would like to tell you though, the second half was incredible.
#5
All very nicely written. I've gotta say though I hate the capitalisation of every line, I know it's correct to do so, but what with the lines being so short it is slightly off-putting, occasionally you don't, sometimes you do, so I'd decided to either capitalise every line or don't bother except for the start of a sentence.

Also The poor spiders Were soon swallowed up. really stuck out to me as just over doing the image slightly, the reader can understand the implications of the spider being in an ants nest so it makes those lines slightly redundant.

Good piece.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
#8
Although at risk
Of sounding suddenly
melodramatic;
Take it back.
I must say I loved these opening four lines.
I don’t deserve
Your forgiveness
(even if it is
dishonest)
I stole the words
From your page
And left them on mine,
As if, as a child,
Lifted spiders
Into an ants nest,
Knowing in no way
They could survive,
There was just too much
To cope with;
The poor spiders
Were soon swallowed up.
I'm inclined to agree with Steve here. Kinda blah compared to.

And it was not by the strength
But the numbers they came in-
Like my apologies;
Infinite
But paper thin.
This was a swell end.

Well, that was a dick sucking fest.

Nice work.