#1
There are Congolese penis theieves on the loose. A few of the men were caught, so Jon Stewart lowerd the alert level from "Dick in a lock box" to "Hide dick in popcorn". This is still a serious issue, thoughts? tips? pics?


edit: I fixed my grammar.
Last edited by tjdjr09 at Apr 29, 2008,
#3
Tips? Don't piss off any dark wizards, or they'll have your balls in a vice....seriously.
Feed your mind.
#10
I think im safe, cause my penis is always safely stored in someones ass...
Quote by Ferdinandstrat
My problem is the lube,it's not easing the pain,it just makes it less gripy

Quote by BringMeTheCalm
Wait a minute! Do they send the boxes in boxes!?


EASY MONEY!!!!
#12
Don't use automatic flush urinals. The "sensors" are really cameras, and they are creating a database of everyone's penis. The only way to defend yourself is to stay under their radar.
Saint Louis Blues
#13
Quote by UltimateNirvana
I think im safe, cause my penis is always safely stored in someones ass...

so full of win
#14
Quote by The Picker
Don't use automatic flush urinals. The "sensors" are really cameras, and they are creating a database of everyone's penis. The only way to defend yourself is to stay under their radar.


^very true
Quote by Ferdinandstrat
My problem is the lube,it's not easing the pain,it just makes it less gripy

Quote by BringMeTheCalm
Wait a minute! Do they send the boxes in boxes!?


EASY MONEY!!!!
#15
Quote by UltimateNirvana
I think im safe, cause my penis is always safely stored in someones ass...

really? and how does your dad feel about sharing his wife with you?
#16
Quote by metallicock
really? and how does your dad feel about sharing his wife with you?


Funny? Fourth Grade? No and Yes....
Quote by Ferdinandstrat
My problem is the lube,it's not easing the pain,it just makes it less gripy

Quote by BringMeTheCalm
Wait a minute! Do they send the boxes in boxes!?


EASY MONEY!!!!
#17
thats awesome. link to clarify: http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSN2319603620080423

Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

"I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," Oleko said.

"But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it'," he said.


Sure, blame it on the sorcerers... This is actually pretty disgusting, they tried to kill these people. The most pathetic display of mass hysteria I've ever heard.
#18
Quote by Aftertime
Thanks Mr. Heafyman! you're an absolute legend
Quote by Ex'sAndOh's
Porn is everywhere. Look around.
Porn is in the forest, in your parents bedroom, in the sea.
But most importantly, in your heart.
Quote by Hypnotisation
I take dumps all the time! I R TURDBURGLAR!
#20
One of the ratings on his scale was "Rock out with your **** out"

Reminded me of the UG naked club.
FOR AWESOME HANDWOUND PICKUPS, CONTACT CorduroyEW
BOOBS
Quote by ratmblink123
Good for you. Have a cookie.


But really... there's no cookie. And if there was, you wouldn't get one.
#21
Quote by nt1440
daily show FTW!

colbert sux


well i wouldnt go that far
Quote by Ferdinandstrat
My problem is the lube,it's not easing the pain,it just makes it less gripy

Quote by BringMeTheCalm
Wait a minute! Do they send the boxes in boxes!?


EASY MONEY!!!!
#23
go for buttuns zippers are dangerous in 2 ways....1st self explaining, 2nd some one could easily sneak it down when sleeping

For Memories I'll Forget Tomorrow
#24
i have three spare penises in jars in my basements, for just this occasion.
.
..
...
I have no opinion on this matter.
#25
Speaking of the ratings scale, i noticed the bottom one was "baby elephant parade" (or something similar)
#26
Quote by UltimateNirvana
I think im safe, cause my penis is always safely stored in someones ass...

Too bad it's nowhere near a 'gina.
#27
Quote by Jackintehbox
Too bad it's nowhere near a 'gina.


neither is yours...and PEOPLE be more discrete about your fappage! there's eyes everywhere.. YOUR PETS MIGHT KNOW! and if they talk :O
#28
Quote by WillPlayForFood
neither is yours...and PEOPLE be more discrete about your fappage! there's eyes everywhere.. YOUR PETS MIGHT KNOW! and if they talk :O

OMG NO!!!!