#1
i was playing around on the guitar today, thinking about this girl, and this just kind of came to me, so yeah. this is only my second time writing and i know theres alot of bad ryhmes but it sounds good when i play it

come along

ive made my mistakes and youve made yours
you probably should have shown me to the door
but this time im paking up my case
packing up gonna leave behind this place

there ain't no place we got to go
baby just please dont say no
we dont got to see no skies
my sunrise is in your pretty eyes

ooohh girl please come along
follow me and ill sing your favorite song
ooohh girl please come along
without you i lose my song

your lips and pretty face
see them as i try and plead my case
but im soon to realize
i can see it in your eyes

so many things i could have said
without you i might be dead
so many things i could have said
is this life or in my head

oooh girl please come along
follow me and ill sing your favorite song
ooohh girl please come along
without you i lose my songx2
#2
Eh. This song was okay. Defianately could use some work. First of all, it lacks good metaphorical content, which is not good. Second of all, this entire song is cliche. There is nothing in here that makes the reader go "wow, that's original" or "wow, he is writing really well." It just lacks that sense of originality that so very few songs have. Sorry for the harsh crit, but that's just what i saw.

If you're feeling up to it, could you crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=848877
Thanks. You did okay. If you sing this to the girl, i'm certain that she will fall in love with you, but as for a song in the real world, no. I don't mean to sound like a dick, but that's just how i feel.
#3
i do suppose it is cliche, very much so. that isn't neccessarily a bad thing itself, because a lot of more upbeat songs, like ska and reggae(not exactly what i'm looking for as the examples, but i hope you understand what i'm saying). could work with these lyrics. i'm sure this song will work for the girl, but it's not like it's anything special, no offense. you can tell the rhyme schemes were forced and probably not too much effort was put forth.

i'm not saying i could do better or do better just my thoughts. it's a decent start though. i hope you understand what i'm saying and don't take it too harshly.
there are many here among us, who feel that l i f e is

but a [B]joke[/B]. but you and i have been through that, and this is not our [size="1"]fate[/SIZE].