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#1
OK im pretty sure there aint a thread been made like this, so here it is:

Post ****in hilarious stuff that happened to you, someone else, or someone you dont know, at work, school, home,etc...

I'll start:

Someone were telling me that he knew this lad who's parents went away on holiday and left him to "house sit", so he went out drinking and got talking to this girl.
She ended up goin back to his, and they got into his parents bed. She started 'smokin' his pink cigar' and said "wanna try summat? I'll put this towel up ur arse, then tell me wen you gonna cum", so he agreed and she stuffed this towel up his back passage.
He was just about to cum and so he gave here the warning, she ripped the towel out his arse, and he shat bucketfulls all over his parents white sheets.
He went to the bathroom to get cleaned up, then came back to find her rollin' in it, saying "lick it off!".
He kicked her out then tryed to clean the sheets, but nothing would remove the stain, so you know what he told his parents?

"The dog shat on the bed"


The put the dog down

I don't know hw true it is, but first time I heard it, it was hilarious
#2
are you..............on glue?
Still awaiting his invitation to the coalition of intelligent pit users....

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?



Lets go ride our bikes
#3
Something really funny eh??? Your grammar?
incubus rocks my world
#4
Quote by nrc141
Something really funny eh??? Your grammar?


Good call


i don't believe that story
Last edited by ralph wiggum at Apr 30, 2008,
#5
Excuse me, but WTF?

Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#6
OK I'm pretty sure there isn't a thread like this, so here it is:

Post fucking hilarious stuff that happened to you, someone else () , or someone you don't (or do) know, at work, school, home,etc...

I'll start:

Someone was telling me that he knew this lad whose parents went away on holiday and left him to "house sit". So, he went out drinking and got talking to this girl.
She ended up going back to his place, and they got into his parents bed. She started 'smoking' his pink cigar' and said "wanna try something? I'll put this towel up your arse, then tell me when you gonna cum", so he agreed and she stuffed this towel up his back passage.

He was just about to cum and so he gave her the warning, she ripped the towel out his arse, and he shat bucketfulls all over his parents white sheets.
He went to the bathroom to get cleaned up, then came back to find her rolling in it, saying "lick it off!".

He kicked her out then tried to clean the sheets, but nothing would remove the stain, so you know what he told his parents?

"The dog shat on the bed"


They put the dog down.

I don't know how true it is, but first time I heard it, it was hilarious!



Fixed because I'm an egotistical, elitist prick.
Last edited by soulflyV at Apr 30, 2008,
#7
Why didn't he just change the sheets?
Xbox Live tag: Dream Away Rain
Add!

Quote by marko'd
dont sweat how quick your progressing, i heard that Jimi hendrix didnt get his legendary guitar skills until he was dead


Quote by Dreadnought
+ MOTHERFUCKIN' 1
#9
Quote by soulflyV
OK I'm pretty sure there isn't a thread like this, so here it is:

Post fucking hilarious stuff that happened to you, someone else () , or someone you don't (or do) know, at work, school, home,etc...

I'll start:

Someone was telling me that he knew this lad whose parents went away on holiday and left him to "house sit". So, he went out drinking and got talking to this girl.
She ended up going back to his place, and they got into his parents bed. She started 'smoking' his pink cigar' and said "wanna try something? I'll put this towel up your arse, then tell me wen you gonna cum", so he agreed and she stuffed this towel up his back passage.

He was just about to cum and so he gave her the warning, she ripped the towel out his arse, and he shat bucketfulls all over his parents white sheets.
He went to the bathroom to get cleaned up, then came back to find her rolling in it, saying "lick it off!".

He kicked her out then tried to clean the sheets, but nothing would remove the stain, so you know what he told his parents?

"The dog shat on the bed"


They put the dog down.

I don't know how true it is, but first time I heard it, it was hilarious!



Fixed because I'm an egotistical, elitist prick.


Fail.



Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#10
Saw this on you tube of the best crank call ever using the voice segments from Duke Nukem!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IE3KdcTgrno

Burny LG75-GR
Epi SG Pro 1966 Ltd Ed
PRS Angelus SE Custom

Korg Pandora effect unit (for practising)
Slash CryBaby
Blackstar HT-5
Korg RC2 Looooooper
#11
dog was put down...?

that's not very funny tbh.
"And after all of this, I am amazed...

...that I am cursed far more than I am praised."
#13
Quote by soulflyV


At least someone's keeping an eye on me. I don't know how I missed that, of all words.

*facepalms*


I feel I'm doing a public duty by keeping an eye on you son!

I couldn't resist pointing it out though, especially after the "egotistical elitist prick" bit.

Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#14
That is wrong on so many levels.....


time machine. Inadvertently, I had created a
#15
At least you laugh at your own story...
“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”
- Scott Adams

No they don't, and UG is proof...
#17
okay
so you obviously just watched a porno and then transposed it into a fake story?
Quotes from other UGers in your signatures that talk about how good you are suck donkey schlong.
#18
This is a story I read a few days ago. I thought it was clever:

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel
like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she
was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and
not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it."
#19
^win
Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#22
Quote by pbiggie
+2


+3
Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#23
Quote by FlamingYouth
This is a story I read a few days ago. I thought it was clever:

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel
like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she
was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and
not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.


HI GUYS!
#25
Guys that story is 8 years old, man how did you only hear it now? but still +0.5 for posting it I guess.......
#27
Quote by Kaed15
+5




<.<

>.>

<.<



+6
Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#33
Quote by metacarpi
^win

+8
Quote by andy331

and i used to hump everything in sight and i had fake sex with my styuffed animals and pretended they were the pink power ranger!
#35
Quote by WaterPour
You guys wanna hear something ****ed?

You know TS's story????

I WAS THAT WOMAN.

WOW!
Me too!
Albums I Must Obtain
Call me Paul. I prefer that.
Quote by fretsonfire74
I think you're my soulmate
#36
Quote by Maxv4
+8


+ 9

This is Larry The If you click him, he will give you magic powers.
srsly.


If you are not willing to die for the perfect s'more, Then you don't deserve a s'more at all.
#39
Quote by soulflyV
- (-10)


+(5+6)
Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
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