#1
The Unhappy Parade

Its the day the parade passes by
No need for pictures
It'll be here again
The cheerful tunes are in your ear
Is this fear?

I'll try not to think but it still hunts me down
I'll try not to think but it still hunts me down

Little candy floss children
Why are you looking for more?
New chocolate couples
Why are you fighting for space?

I'll try not to think but it still hunts me down
Still water and drunken clowns

You can't crash in this ride
Its so safe but its no fun at all
Theres no need for pictures
This time its unhappy

There is me in the back seat
(Racing after...)
There is me in the black sea
(Clawing for...)

For you I have dressed in makeup to suit my frown
I'll try not to think but it still hunts me down

I'll try not to think but it still hunts me down
Toasting water to a drunken clown

Shoot the clown shoot the clown
Shoot the clown and win the
Teddy bear Teddy bear Teddy bear
Shoot the bear shoot the beat
Shoot the bear and win the...


Tell me what people think please?
#2
these are some pretty good lyrics, but the title is too similar to that one song or albulm(dont remember) called black parade. I don't know if your in to that bit or not, but it just takes away from the originality factor.
#3
um... i don't feel like a full critique so i'll just leave a few comments

first of all, i think you should change your title too, but i don't really care that there's a song/album called black parade. the problem with your title is that unhappy... is one of those words i don't like. it's like using "said". it doesn't really describe much, and it doesn't flow (not that flow is a problem with said). pick a better word.

second, i like these three lines

You can't crash in this ride
Its so safe but its no fun at all
Theres no need for pictures

but i'd suggest changing the one after it. to what? i don't know.

finally, that stanza i liked kind of conflicts with the line near the top
"is this fear?"
why would someone be fearful if the ride was so safe and dull?...
#4
Well I wanted the title to be coinciding with the theme of the song and the word unhappy I used because its simple and totally conflicts with the whole theme park idea. Its not an unhappy place. But I probably should change it to something more detailed and different. I think your talking about My Chemical Romance but I never noticed the similarity, until now of course.

I used the line "Is this fear?" to describe the confusion I have when at a theme park, I never know what to do and I'm fearful of all the people who will be moaning at me for not being happy and loving the whole vomit inducing rides! And the way it contrasts "with this ride is so safe", that line was designed as a more of a question, basically asking are they really as safe as people say they are? But also, why must I be judged as a person for not liking being thrown upside down, your forced to deal with life enough as it is without being tossed and turned and faking some sought of enjoyment as well. But also by saying this ride is so safe, I'm asking why someone could be so fearful and maybe people should just piss off and stop telling me to like theme parks!

Thanks for the advice, I'll make a few corrections. Cheers lads.