#1
I awake to the morning breeze
Look through the window to hear the raven mocking me
To be content is a dream to me
How I woe in misery

What say you black raven?
Tell me why I cry
I find my head spinning
Hoping you’d tell me why

Why do they call the morning, morning
It must me a good time for this grieving of mine
Tell me Poe why do you cry?
Did the raven tell you a lie.

What say you black raven?
Tell me why I cry
I find my head spinning
Hoping you’d tell me why
#3
lol i like this, its not straight forward. The second line in the 1st verse mayb a bit long, not sure how it would work, it seems a bit more like a poem to me.
#4
hey thanks. yeah the second verse is a bit longer. it works with the music so it works for me. glad you like it
#6
I'm not sure what genre you'd put it in. I've put two styles to it so far. ones more of a harder rock style. the other is kinda mellow the intro has a finger picking style thats sounds rain drops. at least that what it reminds me of. I think it sounds good.
#8
Quote by Gregoriose
I'm not sure what genre you'd put it in. I've put two styles to it so far. ones more of a harder rock style. the other is kinda mellow the intro has a finger picking style thats sounds rain drops. at least that what it reminds me of. I think it sounds good.


Personally I thought the finger picking idea sounds right. But personally these lyrics seemed almost juvenile to me. They were obviously rhymed and didn't seem to flow. I like the imagery yes, and it saves it in the verses, but the chorus just seemed to be... immature. The cry/why rhyme is annoying. (Yes, i know i'm repeating myself shush)

Maybe try something else for the chorus? Something that creates the imagery of the verses? It reads like you've put thought into the verses and yes nothing into the chorus, it seems devoid and generally... boring. I know the poe reference to crying may help the chorus slightly but it doesn't build enough to become a part of the poem in itself.

However, I may be biased, i don't like Poe... his simplicity annoys me too...

I would like to hear it with music though
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#9
I don't really see there the rhyme thing is so wrong. it wasn't somthing I was going for or even knoticed till you pointed it out. I could see where playing wuth the chorus might be a good idea though. maybe use the black raven thing a bit more some how.
#10
You really need to look into these things with your writing (not personally you, that was a generic thing). When you start to use these things they become pieces of poetry to be ripped apart by readers as well. I don't listen to bands (no matter how brilliant the music) that don't have good, readable lyrics. That may make me sound like an elitist but I want to know that the person i'm listening to has put time into his lyrics, lots of it.

Your lyrics are just as on show as your music is.
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#11
I disagree. theres no rules to writing and music. you write what works for you. I like my lyrics. I like my music. Its all that matters.
#13
I haven't yet. I don't have a mic for my computer but I do have a cord that I can plug my guitar into a usb port.