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#1
What are your funniest job stories, whether big or small?
Mine was when I was working the drive through, it went like this:
Them: I'd like a coffee to go
Me: Facepalm
www.youtube.com/jordan123x
#3
i was working in a big like mill, griding a 50 feet stack, griding the paint off, and i hated my boss and was gonna quit, so i ground "ralph loves" than drew a big ****" 30 feet in the air safe to say i was let go lol

EDIT: so i ground "ralph loves" than drew a big ****" ****= C ock
#4
Quote by guilty09
i was working in a big like mill, griding a 50 feet stack, griding the paint off, and i hated my boss and was gonna quit, so i ground "ralph loves" than drew a big ****" 30 feet in the air safe to say i was let go lol

EDIT: so i ground "ralph loves" than drew a big ****" ****= C ock

lol nice
www.youtube.com/jordan123x
#5
Quote by guilty09
i was working in a big like mill, griding a 50 feet stack, griding the paint off, and i hated my boss and was gonna quit, so i ground "ralph loves" than drew a big ****" 30 feet in the air safe to say i was let go lol

EDIT: so i ground "ralph loves" than drew a big ****" ****= C ock



Was it just me, or was that hard to understand what the hell he is talking about?
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#8
Quote by Dirge Humani
I have no clue what he said either.

It took me a few re-reads but basically he carved a dick and his boss in something.
www.youtube.com/jordan123x
#9
I got laid off from my "drug free" job, so needless to say I smoked about an ounce on my way to work.

And once I was told in an interview that "we're looking for someone with experience..."

So my response was, "Where the **** do you expect me to get experience from, asswad?!"



Neither situation could have led to any disciplinary action since I was already screwed.
"Virtually no one who is taught Relativity continues to read the Bible."

#10
i'm a lifeguard. one girl came to work hungover and asked my boss "can i have a chair? i'm hungover."

she was fired, obviously.
Go Veg.
#11
When i worked at the grocery store in high school, me and my friends would always put things in one of our teachers cart when she wasnt looking. One day me and 2 other guys decided to put Vagisil in her cart. So one of them was going to distract her while the other was gonna slip it in when he walked by. The other guy got called up front to help out, so i was the one that slipped it in.

Though on his way up, the other kid dropped a box of vagisil in there too. So she had 2 boxes of vagisil in her cart and gets up to the checkout, realizes whats happened and freaked out screaming and waving the things blaming my friend who was distracting her. She had no clue it was me, and even told the other kid to be more like me. Then she said since i was so good that i could stop by her room for cookies the next day.


Also we would usually sit in the back and chug red bulls, that was always fun.
Quote by WaggyPlank
so yeah, now i have poop floating around in my ballsack.
#12
Quote by im not mental
i'm a lifeguard. one girl came to work hungover and asked my boss "can i have a chair? i'm hungover."

she was fired, obviously.


Don't you rotate anyways? So if she had the chair she'd just be on the deck anyways a bit later.
#13
in the winter, another employee at my railroad company left his truck running outside while he was inside a tower working on an issue, we went to his truck and turned up the air conditioning full blast and left, later on he confronted us about it (he can take a joke though) said it was colder in his truck than it was outside LOL
#14
While I was working the drive-thru. A bunch of dunk frat boys threw a 20 dollar bill in at me and told me to bend over for them and get it. So I took the money and told them to go have intercourse with themselves. My boss even let me keep the money and didn't give the frat boys there food.
#15
Quote by im not mental
i'm a lifeguard. one girl came to work hungover and asked my boss "can i have a chair? i'm hungover."

she was fired, obviously.

Man, harsh times.

On more than one occasion me and my mates have slept over at work, got blind drunk and woke up with horrendous hangovers for the following working day. The bosses just laughed at us, threw us some paracetamol and told us to get on with it.

I love my work.
Quote by buckethead_jr
^And known for that bloody awesome croissant with a crown.
Man that's badass.


MINE SIG R PINK
#16
Quote by -February-Star-
Man, harsh times.

On more than one occasion me and my mates have slept over at work, got blind drunk and woke up with horrendous hangovers for the following working day. The bosses just laughed at us, threw us some paracetamol and told us to get on with it.

I love my work.

lol man that's awesome, where do you work?
www.youtube.com/jordan123x
#17
One of my old managers punched an ice machine because he burnt some buns.
11223344554433

has no signature.
#18
It always gets a reaction if you work with public and someone asks you where something is like the washroom and you respond with "I don't know, I just work here." Usually gets quite a few laughs, but nowhere near the funniest thing that has happened at a job.
#20
Just tonight actually I was making a pizza delivery and I was looking for the address and I hear a loud whistle. So I think oh, there they are, and drive over. So this middle aged guy appears with jean shorts, no shirt, and a beard - and he's tubby - walks up to my passenger door, opens it and leans inside. I'm thinking if he tries any funny stuff I'll just floor it. So he says, 'hey man can you bring me a pizza?' Which obviously tells me that hes not even the guy I'm delivering to. 'Yeah, I guess,' I said, 'but I'll need your address and number and stuff.' He then points to a nearby house and says, 'Yeah, I live right there.' So I reply, 'Actually you should just call us. Do you have a phone?' And he replies, 'Oh... yeah, just give me your number, man!' So I give it to him.

I was initially freaked out, obviously, but as he talked it became clear that he just wanted some effing pizza immediately. He was a pretty cool guy, after it was all done. I brought him the pizza and he tipped well. He just had zero self-awareness lol. I thought it was pretty funny. He must have just saw my Papa John's sign and went OMG I WANT SOME FOCKING PIZZA

Edit: oh yeah, and as I was writing down the number to give to him he found a lighter under my seat LOL. He said, 'HEY! You can never find enough of these!' and hands it to me haha.
We're only strays.
Last edited by Martyr's Prayer at May 2, 2008,
#21
Quote by Vos
I watched a coworker slap another coworkers forehead with his balls so we get all get off work early on a friday. Made my whole summer!

i didnt even see it and its made my summer!
When all else fails, ask the pit.
#22
Quote by I-Watch-Anime
i didnt even see it and its made my summer!


So you're saying that even though you didn't see balls, the thought of seeing them has made your summer?

*giggle*

Seriously though, sounds like those coworkers are nuts.


GET IT!?!!
We're only strays.
#23
Quote by Martyr's Prayer
So you're saying that even though you didn't see balls, the thought of seeing them has made your summer?

*giggle*

Seriously though, sounds like those coworkers are nuts.


GET IT!?!!

When all else fails, ask the pit.
#25
I work at a restaurant and one time someone took a **** in the sink. The boss made one of the girls go clean it up and she was crying buckets of tears from laughing so hard.
Pissed.
#26
I "pants" an guy at work but he was......commando! EWWWWW, almost got fired for this. The guy didnt care, he was laughing his ass off as was I but the boss thought it was grounds for sexual harassment.....
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#27
I was working at KFC, and I accidentally set a deep fryer on fire when I was cleaning it. I didn't even get in trouble.
I can honestly say I have really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like.


I don't always post on UG, but when I do, I post in the Pit. Stay thirsty my friends.
#28
yeh so last winter i was a snowoard intructor at a local mountain. and me and my buddy at work dressed up in banana sutes and toght people how to snowboard. and then we joind a compition later that day i won 1st and he got 2nd. everyone else was so pissed they lost to two dudes in bannana sutes.
it was awsome.



see^im the one with the phone
Last edited by NOT_haxors at May 3, 2008,
#29
Quote by NOT_haxors
yeh so last winter was a snowoard intructor at a local mountain and me and my bddy at work dressed up in banana sutes and toght people how to snowboard and then we joind a compition later that day i won 1st and he got 2nd and everyone else was so pissed they lost to two dudes in bannana sutes
it was awsome

I have no clue what you just said.
I can honestly say I have really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like.


I don't always post on UG, but when I do, I post in the Pit. Stay thirsty my friends.
#30
Quote by NOT_haxors
yeh so last winter was a snowoard intructor at a local mountain and me and my bddy at work dressed up in banana sutes and toght people how to snowboard and then we joind a compition later that day i won 1st and he got 2nd and everyone else was so pissed they lost to two dudes in bannana sutes
it was awsome


IM ON PCP I DONT NEED CORRECT PUNCTUATION MWAHAHA
Quote by H4t3BR33D3R
fourteen?
For Christ sake she probably couldn't get to the center of a Tootsie Pop let alone suck your **** properly. Just get someone your own age you tosser.
#31
I work in a movie theatre which lends itself to some very funny stories...I've caught several people goin' at it in the theatre, I had a guy in a teal suit get hammered on Crown Royal during his movie and throw up on the dude in front of him, I told a guy that we had sold out of bathrooms when he asked where they were...he said "Oh." and walked off, several people have asked where the concession stand is even though there is a GIANT sign in neon that says CONCESSIONS right in front of them.

That's just a handful of the crap I have to deal with.
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#32
I worked at a Panera, and I HATED all 6 (yes, 6) of my managers. So I put in my 2 weeks, but before I left I did all kinds of nasty things to the food (and two of my buddies who were also quitting helped me out). In one sandwich I put a big slab of dirty chicken that I had found on the floor in the walk-in, it had obviously been stepped on numerous times, and I could barely tell that it was chicken. Another time I simply threw the sandwich on the floor (and it was a damn dirty place) and put it back together. I spit in quite a few of them, and failed to wear gloves one entire shift after not washing my hands coming from quite the nasty dump (if you can't tell, I hated the customers just as much. They're all jackasses. Every damn one of them). One of my buddies told me to hold a sandwich open for a sec, and (to my dismay), he swiftly pulled out his junk and plopped it right onto the sandwich. The other guy went as far as taking a sandwich into the walk-in and masturbating on it... something that even I found kind of weird.

Yeahh... f*ck that place. I walked out in the middle of a shift before my two weeks was even up. I just couldn't take one more second of their bull. Good drug hookups though...
Heads will roll. Throats will be slit. Blood will flow like springs of water.
#33
Ever since I've been working Security (bout' a year), theres been nothing fun about it at all.
#34
Quote by NOT_haxors
Yeah, so last winter I was a snowboard instructor at a local mountain. My work buddy and I dressed up in banana suits and taught people how to snowboard. Then we joined a competition later that day and I won 1st place and my buddy got 2nd. Everyone else was so pissed that they lost to two dudes in banana suits.

It was awesome.


^ See, I'm the one with the phone.



Fixed for grape justice.
#35
i fell in the pit. (oil shop)
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#36
Quote by mafropetee
I worked at a Panera, and I HATED all 6 (yes, 6) of my managers. So I put in my 2 weeks, but before I left I did all kinds of nasty things to the food (and two of my buddies who were also quitting helped me out). In one sandwich I put a big slab of dirty chicken that I had found on the floor in the walk-in, it had obviously been stepped on numerous times, and I could barely tell that it was chicken. Another time I simply threw the sandwich on the floor (and it was a damn dirty place) and put it back together. I spit in quite a few of them, and failed to wear gloves one entire shift after not washing my hands coming from quite the nasty dump (if you can't tell, I hated the customers just as much. They're all jackasses. Every damn one of them). One of my buddies told me to hold a sandwich open for a sec, and (to my dismay), he swiftly pulled out his junk and plopped it right onto the sandwich. The other guy went as far as taking a sandwich into the walk-in and masturbating on it... something that even I found kind of weird.

Yeahh... f*ck that place. I walked out in the middle of a shift before my two weeks was even up. I just couldn't take one more second of their bull. Good drug hookups though...

You, my friend, are the biggest tool on the planet.
Just because you hated your job and were showing off to your friends (presumably) doesn't mean those customers deserve Salmonella.
#37
There was a mentally disabled girl that used to go to my old school that got raped at her job. I guess semirelated.
#38
Quote by WaterPour
There was a mentally disabled girl that used to go to my old school that got raped at her job. I guess semirelated.

That's screwed up
www.youtube.com/jordan123x
#39
Every couple of months or so, it is my turn to power wash the lot. So, I get this REALLY big motorized squirt gun that goes really far. Anyway, I got bored after awhile and climbed on the roof with some cigar tubes and started firing them into the streets to see if I could hit cars. Right after I hit a guy's car, a cop drove by. But luckily, he's on good terms with me and so he didn't bust my chops.

Another time, I was banned from being able to touch the radio because I was playing Dr. Dre's the Chronic in the middle of the afternoon on Thanksgiving. That one got me a write up.
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