#1
well, hi there you guys!

the other day, me and some friends were hanging around this park. when these two old ladies pull up to walk around the exercise track. so i go up to one of my buddies and go "dude, ill give you 5 bucks to ask for one of the old ladies phone numbers." and he's like "HELL no!"

but then later he comes up to me, all ashamed looking. asking if he can make that $5.

so naturally, i allowed this.

we waited anxiously for the ladies to make another loop of the track, and then...

he was off!

like a speeding bullet of pent up testosterone, he walked casually up to the women, and started chatting lightheartedly.

then the crones glanced in our direction... tension built in the pack as we feared that he'd gived it away for being a dare.


when all hope was about to be lost, he waltzed up, grinning and blushing.
he said it went like this.
Friend, "excuse me ma'ams, but my friends over there say i dont get enough dates. they said i should find the prettiest ladies at the park to ask out to a movie."
Lady 1, "scuze me son? we're old enough to be your grandmommas!"
Lady 2, "we're flattered, but we cant go along with this."
F, "well i dunno about you being that old. cause gee, you sure are pretty!"
L2, "run off to your friends, and tell em we said they aint no good!"
L1, *pats friends head.* "yeah, run along now kid."

so, needless to say, for the endless hilarity i got, my friend recieved a well earned $5.

so i ask you this UG,

embarass your friends worse than this? tell me about it.
Jesus wouldn't give you the sweat off of his balls if you were dying of thirst.
Quote by Code-E
God, you've gotta be UG's only moron!


Quote by magnum1117
that's right,you certainly are UG's only moron.


Quote by necrosis1193
Read the moron's posts, ironically enough he knows what he says.
#2
lol wut?

Say "FU** Mr. Jenson!" for a doller and run, meanest teacher
Avenged Sevenfold Fan, proud of it.
#3
One time me and my friends were at this retreat thing for our whole class. We had to stay overnight so there were rooms for everyone. In those rooms were showers. Well when one of my friends (Tyler) was taking a shower i told another friend (Eddy) to break open the door and open the shower curtain. He then proceeded to do it. So i decided i would trick Eddy.

I told my other friend (Cody) to go into his bathroom naked and stand there and wait for Eddy. So, Eddy opens the bathroom door, and there is Cody with his balls out and everything. He then chases Eddy out of the room, and right into a teacher.....
If we're never together, if I'm never back again, well i swear to God that I'll love you forever. Evelyn, I'm not coming home tonight.
#4
i poured 190 proof grain alcohol on my friends leg cuz he had a huge cut that was like 2 days old...i told him it wouldnt hurt...
Quote by aig91
"It doesn't get much beter than that! Ok, maybe a free ibanez guitar and marshall half-stack in perfect condition would be better, but free pancakes comes right behind that"

Quote by neptune1988
"My tone should be like me........FAT! "
#6
Quote by f'n_wanker
One time me and my friends were at this retreat thing for our whole class. We had to stay overnight so there were rooms for everyone. In those rooms were showers. Well when one of my friends (Tyler) was taking a shower i told another friend (Eddy) to break open the door and open the shower curtain. He then proceeded to do it. So i decided i would trick Eddy.

I told my other friend (Cody) to go into his bathroom naked and stand there and wait for Eddy. So, Eddy opens the bathroom door, and there is Cody with his balls out and everything. He then chases Eddy out of the room, and right into a teacher.....

What the hell? do you go to a school for gullible gay boys?
Quote by Nutman69
i think ur gonna get flamed pretty bad.

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#7
Quote by 123-Trav
What the hell? do you go to a school for gullible gay boys?


yes.
If we're never together, if I'm never back again, well i swear to God that I'll love you forever. Evelyn, I'm not coming home tonight.
#9
He must have been an idiot to do that for only $5. All it would have taken was one of them to be horny as hell and jump his bones, then BAM, the poor sod has to live with being date-raped by an old woman for the rest of his life.

And before anyone says it, NO, that did not happen to me.....
#10
Quote by AVA_Plus44_182
He must have been an idiot to do that for only $5. All it would have taken was one of them to be horny as hell and jump his bones, then BAM, the poor sod has to live with being date-raped by an old woman for the rest of his life.

And before anyone says it, NO, that did not happen to me.....



I reckon I could do that for free that would be hilarious. THe way that guy did it was ****ing lame though. You gotta actually act it out seriously for it to be funny.
#11
Quote by WaterPour
I reckon I could do that for free that would be hilarious. THe way that guy did it was ****ing lame though. You gotta actually act it out seriously for it to be funny.

"G'day wrinkles, fancy a shag?"
#12
around a month back or sumthing...my friend tried to hook me up with this nerd female........n starte spreading tht i was after her ass.....
but he failed.....but then it was a funny thing ....ppl were like "didnt u get a better female ..n i was like.. huh? "
#13
my friends and i always put on boxing gloves and beat the f*cking **** out of each other, we've all had a few good black eyes and blood noses.. but its good fun. we bet on who is going to win/get king hit first.
#14
Quote by 123-Trav
What the hell? do you go to a school for gullible gay boys?


Quote by f'n_wanker
yes.


Sweet!

Where do I apply?

...

<_<

>_>
#15
Quote by _deeperthewound
Sweet!

Where do I apply?

...

<_<

>_>

with me, send me a nude picture and ill put you into the roster.

Jesus wouldn't give you the sweat off of his balls if you were dying of thirst.
Quote by Code-E
God, you've gotta be UG's only moron!


Quote by magnum1117
that's right,you certainly are UG's only moron.


Quote by necrosis1193
Read the moron's posts, ironically enough he knows what he says.
#16
Yesterday I was in the swimming pool with a bunch of friends. I told him I would give him a beer if he would sit on a chair at the edge of pool and threw himself into the water with the chair. He did so and half the personnel came outside shouting at him. He almost got thrown out of the pool. The personnel's reaction was so funny, I gave him two beer.
Quote by King Krapp
Once, I had just finished, and my dad knocks, walks in, and says "Wow, smells like chicken in here."