#1
Ring ring,
The alarm goes off
As we run around
Try to get away
From the fire
That’s burning inside
The flame that’s broken our hearts
Put a thorn in our pride

But some of you slow down
And take a picture
And put the damage
In a wooden frame
So we can look back
And try to remember
To learn our mistakes
And never do it again

But you have to live life
With this in mind
Don’t set a fire
And put a thorn in your pride
Just hang the frame
With a blanket on top
And keep looking forward
Because life will never stop

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace." - Jimi Hendrix
Last edited by tatorbits at May 3, 2008,
#2
Quote by tatorbits
Ring ring,
The alarm goes off
As we run around
Try to get away
From the fire
That’s burning inside
The flame that’s broken our hearts
Put a thorn in our pride

I like the simplicity of this. Plus, I'm kind of a sucker for a good fire theme. The last line could you a little working though, if you want to stick with this theme.

But some of you slow down
And take a picture
And put the damage
In a wooden frame
So we can look back
And try to remember
To learn our mistakes
And never do it again

I'm not too sure on this, like, it seems good when I glance over it, but I read it again and it's definitely not up to par with the previous bit. Pictures are really cliched, think of a better way to say it.

But you have to live life
With this in mind
Don’t set a fire
And put a thorn in your pride
Just hang the frame
With a blanket on top
And keep looking forward
Because life will never stop

Good end I think... Like it's deece and all. I like how you put a little repitition into this, makes it seem more memorable. Nice last two lines especially.




So yeah, I like it, in a sense. It could stand to be a bit longer. Maybe add another verse or whatever. So it's good, still think you should have stick with the original fire theme. 7/10 for now chief.

Crit mine? Link's in me sig.
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.