#1
I usually leave the writing up to our singer, but I've been going through a rough time right now and I just came up with this.

And we're all just waiting
While the world keeps moving
faster and faster
can you see time fly
I think I may be
high

And we're all just waiting
another Friday night
a beer or two
maybe stick around
and watch the fight

And we're all just waiting
for the call to come
another friend or lover
is dead and gone

And we're all just waiting
for the time to come
the end of our youth
can it really be here
no it was just a dream
after all

And we're all just waiting
for the bell to ring
a striking moment
seared into our memory
the end of the day
when everything changed

And we're all just waiting
to sit down
break and cry

And we're all just waiting
I can't believe
I'm still
alive

And we're all just waiting
here for you
this ceremony
crimson and black
adorn your corpse

And we're all just waiting
for the dirt
to be swept
shoveled, right into your face

And we're all just waiting
to see the stars fall dim
and the earth
crumble in

And we're all just waiting
just waiting
waiting to die

And we're all just waiting
can you please, God
just let it stay this way
forever?
Quote by gilly_90
Hi, I'm looking for some fruit, I can't decide between apples and oranges.
Which one is better?
Thanks
#3
Pop rock is awesome, but this needs work. I like the idea, but Verse?Course? It Needs a catch to it maybe a melody can save it as it is but what do i know im drunk
#4
I probably should have provided some info on the genre in mind.

I pictured this as all acoustic, in a sort of Dallas Green composition, ala City & Colour.
Quote by gilly_90
Hi, I'm looking for some fruit, I can't decide between apples and oranges.
Which one is better?
Thanks
#5
On lyrics alone I'd say this song has a lot of potential depending on the melody. I hate the word "corpse" though unless it is used in a really macabre song. This song has a somber and dark feel to it, but this is hopeful and not really morbid at all. PopPunkPotHead is right though, you might want to think about the structure. . .verse. . . chorus. With no verses repeating you have no chorus, but sometimes songs works well that way. It would help to have the melody in mind.
Nice work.
~JP~
Last edited by Jammy Pige at May 4, 2008,
#6
I really appreciate the feedback, and I'll do some work on it and maybe it'll be presentable.

Thanks, everyone!
Quote by gilly_90
Hi, I'm looking for some fruit, I can't decide between apples and oranges.
Which one is better?
Thanks
#7
Quote by Jammydude44
****ing phat oolz man.

lik eI whatt used to write nefore I stopped.

Try and bring your own voice to it, for now it's average-ish.

I can so still spell.

See my artucle on having at least two balls for writing songs.

You wil need them.



...huh?
Quote by gilly_90
Hi, I'm looking for some fruit, I can't decide between apples and oranges.
Which one is better?
Thanks