#1



Out For Bl-bl-bl-bl-blood!

I am completely fucking smug,
it is a choice for faking
every liver disease; we spoke
style around our smiles.
All I've ever wanted--
To her,
like lemonade I'm pale yellow
in her sight from the bitterness
in my gut. I'll quench my thirst
with the rot of this god damn friendship
and I'll call what we have
adjustable.
All I've ever wanted--
And now at the bus stop, I'm
talking in the past tense
to women I've never met. Pulling
muscles in the gutter, "I've left
prettier faces for dead." I say.
She asks me if I've ever felt
anything, and I told her that
I've never had a choice.
All I've ever wanted--
it means not knowing.
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
#2
i like it
Quote by NGD1313
Well I don't know about solos but how about that Smoke on the Water riff. It's like...impossible.


THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

I'm Jake. I'm a musician, philosopher, and exhibitionist.
#4
Very nice imagery throughout, I didn't like the way you cut the lines down, seemed unnatural and forced. However, maybe you meant it to feel like that.

It was a very solid piece, it felt complete and I really missed reading something so straightforward from you. I loved the part about adjustable. For me it was the main focus of the piece.

I'd like it better in stanzas, I think, and the lines need sorting out for me too, but other than that I really enjoyed it.
This is not a pipe
#5
"All I've ever wanted--
And now at the bus stop, I'm
talking in the past tense
to women I've never met. Pulling
muscles in the gutter, "I've left
prettier faces for dead." I say.
She asks me if I've ever felt
anything, and I told her that
I've never had a choice.
All I've ever wanted--
it means not knowing."

This was the best passage I've read in a while. Hits hard and fast. The first half seemed like you just warming up to get to this but, no matter, great piece. You really know how to work the sound and imagery in your favor.

Great piece.