#1
I'm still working on this I just wrote it yesterday, I got some main chords
set out for it but still working on the Riffs. I plain to add a couple for
verses in there. tell me what you think and why. thanks UG



lonely, sitting in my room day after day.
Pretending to be ok.
Lying to myself, thinking about that summer.
waiting for her to call, waiting for her to call.
Lonely in my head singing about that summer.

Away,Away from my window I pray,
I pray for this to go away.

I sing and, I cry, and pray for this to go away.
I live and die and scream, and i fight, but my mind seems
to stay, A lonely cast away

Away,Away from my window I pray,
I pray for this to go away.

Away,Away from my window I pray,
I pray for this to go away.
#2
I like the "my mind seems to stay a lonely cast away" part. It's a good line.


lonely, sitting in my room day after day.
Pretending to be ok.
Good to begin with. Not sure about simply starting it with "Lonely, sitting in my room". It seems like you could start with a bit more than just "Lonely,"

Lying to myself, thinking about that summer.
waiting for her to call, waiting for her to call.
Lonely in my head singing about that summer.
I can't decide whether I like the repetition here by changing the words around a bit with the "summer" part, but it seems to work

Away,Away from my window I pray,
I pray for this to go away.
It took me a while for the "from my window" part to sink in as an Oh he's sitting by his window thought so maybe reword it?

I sing and, I cry, and pray for this to go away.
I live and die and scream, and i fight, but my mind seems
to stay, A lonely cast away
As I said before I like the lonely cast away line. But it seems like you're repeating the "pray for this to go away" part too much. I'd keep it only in the chorus and maybe re-word the first line of this verse.

Away,Away from my window I pray,
I pray for this to go away.

Away,Away from my window I pray,
I pray for this to go away.
#4
i think the main verses are good and what i would do is this. my band, we have two vocalists (me being one of them). the verses i would have one person do and the "away away" part have someone else do. that just what i think
HiMyNameIsMatt
#5
Quote by lespaulsg09
I like the "my mind seems to stay a lonely cast away" part. It's a good line.


lonely, sitting in my room day after day.
Pretending to be ok.
Good to begin with. Not sure about simply starting it with "Lonely, sitting in my room". It seems like you could start with a bit more than just "Lonely,"

Lying to myself, thinking about that summer.
waiting for her to call, waiting for her to call.
Lonely in my head singing about that summer.
I can't decide whether I like the repetition here by changing the words around a bit with the "summer" part, but it seems to work

Away,Away from my window I pray,
I pray for this to go away.
It took me a while for the "from my window" part to sink in as an Oh he's sitting by his window thought so maybe reword it?

I sing and, I cry, and pray for this to go away.
I live and die and scream, and i fight, but my mind seems
to stay, A lonely cast away
As I said before I like the lonely cast away line. But it seems like you're repeating the "pray for this to go away" part too much. I'd keep it only in the chorus and maybe re-word the first line of this verse.

Away,Away from my window I pray,
I pray for this to go away.

Away,Away from my window I pray,
I pray for this to go away.



Hey thanks man, I haven't wrote a song in a long time
I'll take your advice very seriously
#6
lonely, sitting in my room day after day.
Pretending to be ok.
Lying to myself, thinking about that summer.
waiting for her to call, waiting for her to call.
Lonely in my head singing about that summer.
last line on this you should just leave out...i see what you were tryin to do but one summer line is enough
Away,Away from my window I pray,
I pray for this to go away.

I sing and, I cry, and pray for this to go away.
I live and die and scream, and i fight, but my mind seems
to stay, A lonely cast away
line 2 you it would sound better if you just kept one "I"
Away,Away from my window I pray,
I pray for this to go away.

Away,Away from my window I pray,
I pray for this to go away.

i liked it....but you need to do some more work on it