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#1
Okay, this morning my son couldn't find his glasses. After searching for over 15 minutes until the bus would be arriving at his stop any second he said he'd go without them and grabbed his bag and left. I spent another minute looking for them and found them, under the sofa.

Since I had not heard the bus arrive yet I rushed to my car in the purpose of driving up to his bus stop and handing them over before having to rush to school, this meant not going my usual way. As I turned out of my house and drove a bit along I saw him crouching down at the front of my neighbours house. I would have missed him if I had been going my usual way.

Here is a picture to hopefully help illustrate this;

The black line is my usual route to work
The green line is the route I took to return the glasses.
The red dot is where my son was hiding.

When I pulled up I asked him 'what the hell was he doing?', he shrugged, and I had by now worked out that he had been planning to skyve the day off school. He walked up to the car, muttered sorry, grabbed his glasses and left to go to the bus stop. I had no choice, at this point but to rush off to work.

So here I am now, writing this before a lecture, because I am completely lost on why he'd do this. He doesn't really need his glasses, he only got them 7 months ago, he's an all A or A* student, I have no reason to believe he's unhappy. What the hell should I do, why did he do it, how should I have reacted?

tl;dr - I found my son attempting to skyve off school.

EDIT: I'd prefer not to murder him
Last edited by Grundy0 at May 6, 2008,
#4
Most UG'ers are 13 - 15 years old. You won't find much help here.
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#5
Don't be angry.
Be disappointed.


Disappointment hurts more.
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#6
1.build secret basement
2.drug son and chain up in said basement
3.???????
4.Profit

edit: Oh yeah, keep him for 24 years and father his children (hey, it worked for me)
Last edited by tooliscool at May 6, 2008,
#8
Quote by Ex'sAndOh's
Don't be angry.
Be disappointed.


Disappointment hurts more.

+1 It's like a dagger.
And kids will be kids.
#9
Talk to him, try and get him to explain why he did it.

Chances are he could just be rebelling.
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#12
If he's an A student, talk to him when he gets home and ask him what he was doing. If he's a good liar, he'll make up an excuse as to why he was hiding.

Perhaps he's being pressured so much to do well at school that he is starting to slip? Give him a day off to be himself.
Get off my lawn.
#15
As a 20 year old with no experience of kids other than once being one, I'm not sure how I can help. However, I wouldn't say its uncommon for kids to shy away from their parents with any issues they may have. My suggestion would be to not be angry with him, and try and get to the root of the problem; perhaps he is being bullied, or an incident has happened at school and he doesn't want to be there for fear of torment or teasing and what not. The fact that he 'couldn't find his glasses', to me, sounds a bit like he was wanting you to let him stay at home; not just trying to skyve the day off. If he is a good and happy student like you say, my first port of call would be to try to and chat to him about it. Might help to have a confidential meeting with his teachers, though, definitly chat with your son first.
#16
Ground him or ban him from something. Computer, mobile phone, guitar, whatever it may be. If you show him that it really bothers you, he probably won't do it again.
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#17
I'm just gonna have to sit down with him for a long talk aren't I. It's strange because I've never had any problems with him it's always been my daughter who's been like this.
#18
All kids are kids, so all kids have the tendency to do normal kiddish things, so even a straight-A student attempting to skip school isn't that abnormal. It will help to not meet the situation with hostility as that could easily push him further into the desire to rebel and do more things like this. Just talk to him about it calmly and get him to explain why he did it, and don't be suprised if there is something that is making him unhappy; it happens to all of us.

Once you've done that, rape him. Then beat him, then rape him again, then rape him a third time while beating him, then lastly disown him. It's the only way.
#19
When I was in school I used to skive off. Quite alot. And I was predicted all A grades.

Fir me, at least it was just a case of boredom in general at school and I just didn't want to be there really. I wasn't happy with it.

I'd suggest talking to your son about it and find out why he doesn't/didn't want to go. Being angry isn't going to help.
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#20
Quote by Grundy0
I'm just gonna have to sit down with him for a long talk aren't I. It's strange because I've never had any problems with him it's always been my daughter who's been like this.


Beat her then. It's clearly her fault.
#21
Quote by tallicafan888
Ground him or ban him from something. Computer, mobile phone, guitar, whatever it may be. If you show him that it really bothers you, he probably won't do it again.

Planning on doing this, but I can't think what to ban him from. Grounding wouldn't work very well since he doesn't go out normally all that much.


EDIT: Thanks everyone.
#22
Quote by Grundy0
I'm just gonna have to sit down with him for a long talk aren't I. It's strange because I've never had any problems with him it's always been my daughter who's been like this.


He's feeling the pressure of school, I imagine. Break down and give him a day to skip. It will do wonders for the self-esteem.

Quote by Grundy0
Planning on doing this, but I can't think what to ban him from. Grounding wouldn't work very well since he doesn't go out normally all that much.


Yeah, if you want to make it worse and act as though you don't understand him, go ahead and punish him.
Get off my lawn.
#23
consequences..
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He's been in the Pit so long, he's forgotten about television. His whole life is about pears, cats, Spartans and rape. So much so that the mind control tube has lost it's powers over him. It's sad really.
#24
+ 987 disappointment. If you act angry towards him he will fight and argue with you. Tell him that you're really disappointed and it will be musch more effective
#25
Quote by tallicafan888
Ground him or ban him from something. Computer, mobile phone, guitar, whatever it may be. If you show him that it really bothers you, he probably won't do it again.
Personally, I don't think punishing isn't always the answer. I can't recall a moment in my life where I've been punished by my parents but I turned out a good boy. As a parents you just have to let your kids know what you approve and what you don't.
#27
Quote by Green_Jelly
Most UG'ers are 13 - 15 years old. You won't find much help here.


i'm gonna assume his son is 13-15 (can't recall if he mentioned in post) so UG will be a lot of help.

I'm nearly an A student myself, though I do tend to slack off, i'd never wag. The only reason I can really think of for an A grade to wag is:
a) School is boring
b) He's getting bullied

I'd bet on the latter. Just talk to him when he get's home, and don't avoid it, don't take no as an answer, just talk to him.


As the others said, guilt is the best punishment.
-J
#28
Quote by Gaz_m2k5
Beat her then. It's clearly her fault.

Yea, +1 to that, I reckon beating the daughter is definitely a good idea.
#29
Quote by HawkaLuigi
He's feeling the pressure of school, I imagine. Break down and give him a day to skip. It will do wonders for the self-esteem.

Yeah, if you want to make it worse and act as though you don't understand him, go ahead and punish him.


I'm not going to just punish him, I'm going to have a long chat with him about it and try and understand but at the end of the day he still tried to skip school and needs to be punished.
#30
he is probably being bullied or just unhappy.... does your son ever have many friends over? or get invited to birthdays? the worst thing you can do is get angry. i also wouldn't recommend going to his teachers just yet
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#31
First of all, asking the Pit(13-16 year-olds who would gladly skip school themselves) is a relatively wrong thing to do.

Secondly. Talk never ever solves things. Nor does beating(and to the Pit - raping and killing don't work either!)

Moreover. The disappointment works the best. The only catch is you MUST NOT TELL him you're disappointed. But you do have to tell him in the matter of making him see that you ARE disappointed. I hope I said this clearly enough

Lastly. Don't go looking for reasons as it will most probably be hard for him to tell you the reasons. Don't ask why - I'm not sure, but whenever my parents used to ask me for reasons, I got tongue-tied.

Hope this HELPS you make up YOUR mind what YOU should do, kay?
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#32
Quote by groll01
he is probably being bullied or just unhappy.... does your son ever have many friends over? or get invited to birthdays? the worst thing you can do is get angry. i also wouldn't recommend going to his teachers just yet

He goes to parties nearly every other week but doesn't go to just as many, ones he's told me he might need a lift to but decided on not going. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy to be bullied, he's strong willed and opinionated, I doubt he'd let someone walk all over him.

I dunno, I'll definitely bring it up.

EDIT: Anyway I need to do some actual work in 10 minutes so I'll be off for a couple hours.
#33
Quote by Grundy0
I'm not going to just punish him, I'm going to have a long chat with him about it and try and understand but at the end of the day he still tried to skip school and needs to be punished.

Well, punishment is a method of helping kids to understand that what they did was wrong and that if they continue to do it there will be consequences in the future in the open world. But, if he's a smart kid (and he sounds like he is), then he will already know this, so that means he has a good reason for wanting to skip school, which I suggest you try to get out of him in a calm and peaceful way.

This might sound weird, but if you punish a child when they do something wrong so they can protect themselves, you run the risk of leading them to believe that you side with the source of their trouble. I know it sounds pretty horrible, but I have actually seen it happen on a few occasions, even though it is obviously quite a subconscious thing.
#34
Quote by Grundy0
I'm not going to just punish him, I'm going to have a long chat with him about it and try and understand but at the end of the day he still tried to skip school and needs to be punished.


If it turns out that he simply did it out of rebellion or being mischievious or whatever, with no real reason, then yeah, he does need to be punished.

Just make sure he's not hiding any problems he might be having with school first.

I'm sure you know this already, so sorry for stating the obvious.
Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#35
Being a teenager ive found punishment doesnt do ****. Yelling at him and taking away anything he might like (The computer, His guitar, Mobile phone) He will be more angry at you and more likly to do it again.

Trust me. How about reward him when hes good. That works for me

EDIT: Okay i've read your going to talk to him. Thats good.
#36
i think, being an A student, he doesnt skip school.
maybe it was his first time, because lets face it it was a bad place to hide, if he was with noone, then it would mean he was just losing it, school is huge pressure, lots of homework, there isnt a great deal of time for what you want to do, no time for yourself, maybe he sees your daughter and thinks that it is unfair, (even though you dont let her)
every few months just say, do you want the day off? it just says to them, "well hes caring for me, respecting i need a rest", being smart this is what he will think, "so i dont want to disappoint him", therefore he will try not to in any way. + relationship will become better?


i think you should just tell him, 'if you need a day off, or are having any problems, just let me know, dont make some big deal out of it, like saying son i need to talk to you, and sitting down and talking to him, just go about normal business and say if you really really need the day off let me know, and then give him the day off. i think this would be the best way.
not very clear, but i hope you can make it out.

DO NOT sit down with him and 'talk about it'
this is only what i would do, and i have no experience with parenting, as i a high school tudent, so i maybe represent someone like his point of view, maybe i dont know.

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Last edited by Callo at May 6, 2008,
#37
Quote by Grundy0
I'm not going to just punish him, I'm going to have a long chat with him about it and try and understand but at the end of the day he still tried to skip school and needs to be punished.

It's good to get different points of view here, but the last thing you should be doing is taking advice from kids on how to raise kids. I'm 23 years old, and I can't imagine being a parent. That's why, unlike most of the people I grew up with, I'm not one. I skipped school a few times, but it was only because I needed a break. I was incredibly bored there. No one was teaching me anything I actually wanted to learn.

"Here, you have a month to read this book."
"A month? Can't I just read it in a couple days?"
"NO! YOU WILL TAKE A MONTH TO READ THIS JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!"

"Do you have your notes?"
"I didn't take any."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't need to. I can remember just by listening to what you say."
"Well your notes are graded, so you fail. Where's your homework?"
"I didn't do it. I pass every test. I answer every one of your questions during class. I know this material."
"Your homework assignments are graded, too. YOU FAIL!"

I could go on forever about the issues I had with school, but I'll stop there. My advice to you? Do what you feel like you need to do. He's your kid. You know him better than I do. But that's my story.
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#39
Quote by soulflyV
Did anyone else find it funny that an adult, a father no less, is using tl;dr?


I did.


I did, but it seemed to be serious thread, so didn't raise the issue.

Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#40
Punishment and disappointment don't address the issue.... I'm not saying he does but he could have serious problems and if he does you as the parent (no mater how much you think you know your kid) would be the LAST person to notice (no offense)
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im "talking" to the future greatest director in the world
PRIVELAGED


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