#1


sometimes wonder where the words are
before i set them down for the world to see
think that
maybe they don't come from me
maybe they're hiding in the ink
waiting.
once i lost a good pen
couldn't write for a week.
got drunk in anger
crawled around on the floor
found her laying near a stray bottle
dregs intact
so i finished that
then took her to bed
and wrote story after story after story.





love is a dog from hell.



#2
I'm not big on this.
I know you're an obvious Bukowski follower (so am I), and this remined me of a piece he did bout getting in a fight and he proclaims at the end, "and I've been fighting and writing ever since."

BUT....despite all of that, you never seem like you're completely aping someone's style. You always have your own feeling, and it transcends influence.

This was okay, but you're capable of some Earth shattering shit, my friend.
Poor advice.
#3
Quote by we have sound


sometimes wonder where the words are
before i set them down for the world to see

I like. The first line in particular actually made me smile, I used to think about this a lot but haven't questioned it in a while.

think that
maybe they don't come from me
maybe they're hiding in the ink
waiting.

Ok this I didn't really like. I think you should've moved on already, new point, go straight into the pen bit ok? ESPECIALLY get rid of the "Think that" part because it's pointless, you've already brought up that you're thinking it and it will enquire other people to think it

once i lost a good pen
couldn't write for a week.

I like this a lot too

got drunk in anger
crawled around on the floor
found her laying near a stray bottle
dregs intact
so i finished that
then took her to bed
and wrote story after story after story.

This is another good bit, I like the personification. The implying of taking her to bed is good, like she inspired you through something other than simply being there.




I don't know exactly what it is, but there's something about this piece I still don't quite like... It's all there, it hsould be brilliant but I think it's the fact that after the first two lines it kinda peeters out for the rest of the piece.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=850988 if you get a chance.
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#4
woah, so not everything you write is pure gold! i'm tired of poets writing about writing. how many times have we seen 'ink', 'pen', 'words'? this lacked the pizazz of your usual pieces. and you definitely usually posses pizazz and flair and wit and whatever. so this isn't an attack.

if you could get to my next one, that'd be appreciated.
#5
It's a widely written about topic put forward nicely. Yep, that's it, nice. It's not bad at all, but it's slightly bland and you've proved that you're well capable of better.
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