#1
Please Crit


Dead End

I Got a Friend With a Father
Who Knows What the Deal is
With this dead end war
and the coffins they're building
For Arlington's Field
of cemetery space
he knows the numbers
they're building for that one place
There's 28,000 Caskets.
For 28,000 Lives
Of 28,000 Husbands.
of Another 28,000 Grief-Struck Wives
So if you Know what the truth is
I'd love to know
But All I See
is Another Dead End Road.

So Put a Voice to this crowd
of Hollowed voices-a-many
and Make a strong Statement
Before we Can't Make Any
Put a force to this army
Reap the seeds that were sewn
Before We End Up Dying
On This Dead end Alone.

I Can't Tell The Point that we're Chasing
Or the Time it Will End
But I Hope it Doesn't Grow
Into A Wound We Can't Mend
We're Not even Killing terrorists,
We're Killing them all,
and Sticking a name on the group,
To Make Sure We Think What We're Doing isn't Wrong.
They're Paving a Path
That Even They Can't Explain
Or If They Could,
They Would Stow It Away
Because They think There's a Problem
They're Following No Code
And All I See
is Another Dead End Road

So Put a Voice to this crowd
of Hollowed voices-a-many
and Make a strong Statement
Before we Can't Make Any
Put a force to this army
Reap the seeds that were sewn
Before We End Up Dying
On This Dead end Alone.
Because I Don't Want to hears
About how we need more For the War
When There's So Many Dying
Because The Decisions are So Poor
They Need to draw back
And Get Our People Back Home
Before We End Up Dying
On This Dead end Alone.

So Put a Voice to the Crowd
Put A Voice out Loud
Put A Force To This Army
Put a Force to It Now
Make A Strong Statement
Something With No Regret
For the Silent Rebellions
Against a ****ed Up Government

So Put a Voice to this crowd
of Hollowed voices-a-many
and Make a strong Statement
Before we Can't Make Any
Put a force to this army
Reap the seeds that were sewn
Before We End Up Dying
On This Dead end Alone.

On This Dead End All Alone.
#3
i really enjoyed it
flowed very well
the message was strong
but i think you repeated alot of those points you were trying to make
which gave them a lesser meaning
#4
I loved the flow that you had with this. It was a lot of basic concepts but the way you worded it really gave it the meaning that got to me. Hundreds of other people could say the exact same thing, but you worded it excellently. I agree with the repetition though, maybe cut down on some of it to make the points in this a bit stronger. But I like it a lot man.
#5
Quote by lespaulsg09
I loved the flow that you had with this. It was a lot of basic concepts but the way you worded it really gave it the meaning that got to me. Hundreds of other people could say the exact same thing, but you worded it excellently. I agree with the repetition though, maybe cut down on some of it to make the points in this a bit stronger. But I like it a lot man.



Thanks a lot man.. Thanks for the suggestions i'll work on the repetitions

and thanks to all the other people who have critted so far.