#1
A short poem. Am I good or do I suck? I need honesty people.

I see the world
through romantic eyes.
Smiling demons
with long, sharp teeth;
smelling of flowers;
dark eyes of glee.
My eyes grow heavy;
Pink sleep so sweet.
Dim all the lights
for the demon's feast.
"We're free, so free,"
it says. Little white lies.
Oh, how I see the world
through romantic eyes.
#2
I like the ending, apart from that it's slightly bland. It doesn't really have much time to develop, you talk of the demons and nothing else. A mention of sleep, and the romantic eyes becomes more of sarcasm than of reality, in which case you don't give time for the ideas themselves to grow.

It's got promise but possibly go deeper with the ideas, instead of being so... straight up about it. You create the idea of demons and then simply describe them. Good luck

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=850988 if you get a chance.
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."