#1
hello. I was wondering if I coget constructive criticism on my satirical essay.
It is for my british literature class. tell me anything you find unconvincing or bad about it.

thanks in advance.

Bardo Populo

There is a pestilence coming upon society today - This is a pestilence that was battled by the great Joseph McCarthy, and has been fought from Massachusetts to Tennessee. This nightmare syndrome is the pestilence of demoralization. Luckily, I have a way we may prevent this demoralization from touching our families. We may move to a new place, which has taken action against this specter: Bardo Populo*, Florida, nestled between Okeechobee and Highland County**. This town will guard us from dangerous influences, and it will be a family friendly place to live, with a strict regimen and a fun atmosphere.
The area of Bardo Populo is rural, sunny, joyous and it has a lot to do. There is a large cluster of houses encompassing the main part of town, forming a giant snowflake or red roofs and six by fifteen lawns. Our Main Square has a wonderful bookstore, a gorgeous lawn care shop, Ma’am’s knickknacks, and town hall. There is a river that winds like a thick rope through our town forming a hangman’s knot, the loop a large pond, coiling near town hall. Locals enjoy watching the pond’s myriad contained fish searching for a way back to the river, singing the town approved songs, and learning educational games, such as hopscotch. Overall, this is a wonderful place to escape our demoralized society.
We have a very children oriented set of rules here at Bardo Populo. There is to be no cussing, insulting or fighting in our precious town, for the people have enacted rules against dirtying the minds of our children. Children, who are often in use of such impolite phrases as “Bobby” and “Ann”, are not to know any names, in order to enforce the polite references sir and ma’am. No music is permitted except “Happy Birthday” and “I Love You”. All other songs include vulgar references. Take for example, “The Star Spangled Banner”. That song is actually a drinking song with alternate lyrics. Thus, our national anthem promotes drunkenness. I personally refuse to let my children endure such filth! Also, there is no dancing, as it is all simply sex without taking off ones clothes. It is like intercourse for lazy people, and I will not permit it in my town. There shall be no animals, as their nearness to children may result in a belief in nudism*. And for similar reasons, no old people, as they may result in a fascination with death, and we will not accept morbidity. All our clothing is air dried, for the noise of clothes dryers is disgustingly promiscuous. We shall not allow any phallic symbols. This includes, but is not limited to, carrots, straws, cigars, French bread, breadsticks, pencils, pens, chalk, markers, scissors, violin bows (cello bows are permitted, double bass and viola bows are under consideration), and sticks. There is no TV or radio, for that is the devil’s domain. No dresses or skirts that end above the sole of the foot are allowed, or bodices below the larynx. We have created this law because men, being weak against lust, are unable to withstand the temptations implied by the licentious women’s clothing of today, and may break into sudden acts of lewdness. To prevent any accidental viewing by children, there shall be no sexual actions, public or private. These include sex, kissing, flirting, gazing into another’s eyes for over five seconds, and any nudity. We also shall not permit public displays of religion, as our atheist brothers and sisters are offended by salvation. We have installed video cameras to keep these rules enforced in every house, four per room, one at each corner. We have legalized lynching for the purpose of removing those who would pervert our society with these vulgar practices. We will guard your children safely. You don’t need to worry about a thing.
Gates and signal scramblers protect us from the outside influences, the demons of television, radio, and visitors who do not accept our lifestyle. Many things are there to hurt us, we just don’t know it. There are evil things on the radio that can hurt young minds. It is a nest of sin. Oh my child do not fall victim to that cruel dial! There are disgusting things on TV, with drugs and sex and racism. That will be permanently damaging to your child’s mind. And your lewd friends and relatives will be unable to hurt your children, for around the town is the most fabulous wall. Constructed of cold stone, heavy mortar, and dogwood*; it is a most powerful wall. Of course we have the interests of children in mind.
Some may say that this is improper, and is too strict. I say that our children deserve the best. Children will not understand your liberal gibberish. Sex education is unnecessary; it is like handing a child a loaded weapon. Children, of course, will not experiment on their own. Politeness towards children is too hard a practice, nobody will ever implement it. Informing children of what is right and wrong will never work, as they do not understand right and wrong. Vulgarity will always be used by the weak of mind to describe things, and children are weak of mind, and should never hear vulgarities or they are lost, and they won’t respect us telling them not to use them. We can’t dare tell them to respect themselves, for they will stand up for themselves, and all will be lost. The worst opinion however, is that we should let them make their own decisions. That is ridiculous, because freedom only will result in depravation of the body and mind.
So please, come live with us in Bardo Populo, Florida, we will help protect your child from moral entropy with our careful regimen of order. We have a beautiful town, with strong, protective rules, and walls to protect our careful utopia. Why should our children ever have to see problems with society?
Quote by FatalGear41
I wouldn't call what we have here on the Bass Forum a mentality. It's more like the sharing part of an AA meeting.

Quote by Jason Jillard
HUMANITY WHATS WRONG WITH YOU.


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#4
I like bullet points.
Gear:
PRS Tremonti SE with PRS USA Tremonti pickups
2001 Ibanez RG470
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#6
I'd take it to someone with grammar know-how, as much of it is grammatically incorrect. Also, many of the sentences are awkwardly worded, and you used the word "myriad" incorrectly. "The pond's myriad contained fish" means absolutely nothing, although I assume you meant "The pond contains a myriad of fish." I'd also change "demoralized" to "immoral", because demoralize acutally means to cause a loss of morale, not morals. That's all all I can be assed to write at this exact moment, although, there are some other mistakes that I'm sure some other UG Grammar Nazi will find.

Quote by Pat_s1t
I remember Das_Skittles made me rage hard.

Quote by WCPhils
I can't stand Das_Skittles everything he says makes me mad.

Quote by due 07
Skittles is the shit you cuntles. Slob on his knob.

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#8
UG is not your personal tutor. That and it's far too wall-of-texty to read
\,,/_[><]_\,,/
#9
Quote by Dudage
UG is not your personal tutor. That and it's far too wall-of-texty to read


He's not asking for a tutor, and if you don't feel like reading, don't comment on it, it's that simple.

Quote by Pat_s1t
I remember Das_Skittles made me rage hard.

Quote by WCPhils
I can't stand Das_Skittles everything he says makes me mad.

Quote by due 07
Skittles is the shit you cuntles. Slob on his knob.

My Band Youtube Channel Last.fm
#10
Quote by byob_soad2
what are the *'s for?

there are little footnotes in the original. thanks for the help.

sorry it's long, it has to be 3 pages...
Quote by FatalGear41
I wouldn't call what we have here on the Bass Forum a mentality. It's more like the sharing part of an AA meeting.

Quote by Jason Jillard
HUMANITY WHATS WRONG WITH YOU.


Warwick Fortress>>Acoustic AB50

http://www.myspace.com/rustingbloom