#1
Dudes, comment this...im 13 and its one of my first songs and i wanna know like specificaly what i should improve on...if u steal my lyrics i waill hunt u down...and shank you...with a huge...rusty...snail...i actualy wrote a lot of this in science (period 3) and got it taken away...its ironic...and sad


It Can't be What's Best
Verse 1
Sittin in period 3
Ain’t havin too much fun
Waitin for PE
Where I aint the only one

Who knows how screwed up
This whole system is
Getting yelled at all day
Man we’re just kids

Verse 2
All we want
is a little bit of freedom
What we all want
Is a little music with the readin
By “we” I mean the kids
Who’ve still got brains
Not those flesh n’ blood robots
Who are all the same

Verse 3
I’ll do whatever you want
As long as it makes since
Just hear out my opinion
Just listen or silence
#2
all in all, really good for a thirteen year old
much better than the stuff i used to write when i was your age =P

well, the first verse is kinda cheesy, i dont like it that much
but verse 2 and 3 are really really awesome
especially verse 3

it might be just me, but i like it when lyrics are more vague, if you know what i mean
so people can relate to it more and it has more of a deeper meaning
but yeah, awesome man (Y)
Quotes from other UGers in your signatures that talk about how good you are suck donkey schlong.
#3
not bad ,especially verse2
but from my point of view the topic is too childish but that's ok if you are 13
nice rhymes and just go on that way
#4
not bad for a 13 yr old kid.
Congrats on a first song. Hope you enjoy writing.

So. . . now I'm wondering if you have plans to actually make a song with the lyrics?
I'm feeling super large amounts of pop punk vibe to this. but ehh thats just me.

Good Luck
-Ryan
#5
thanx guys...ill probably post some more ive written...i no wat ya mean leafy, most of my other songs are more like that, but i really wasnt feelin that at subzero temperatures in our crazy science teachers class...more rebelious feeling than usual...and ryan, i wrote some music to it, thats actually, what i think, is the main part of the song, and if you actaully heard it, u would notice its not that poppy, but more classic rock, old punk sounding...but thanx for the help guys, after...recent events...i just feel kinda just like getting it out there