#1
I'm scared

There's nothing to be scared of...

Are you him?

NO, But I can take you to him...

How do I know that you're truthful?

Trust me...

Ok, We'll ju

X
#2
Eh, were there supposed to be lyrics here? Doesn't look like much of a song. Not terribly poetic, either. A rare 0/10.
#3
Quote by Gvictor
Eh, were there supposed to be lyrics here? Doesn't look like much of a song. Not terribly poetic, either. A rare 0/10.


I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that these aren't lyrics. I'd even venture to say that it is abstract poetry, telling a story through broken thoughts and images, which draws on the readers ability to infer about what is going on and draw his/her own personal truths from the ideas.

Just a guess though.


I'll be back alex. Can't say I was a huge fan...

BTW, what chords are you going to put with this?
#4
I like it, but I think you leave too much to be interpreted by the reader... so much so that I don't understand the last part.
Drop another coin in the slot, and I will tell you more...
#5
Quote by ZanasCross
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that these aren't lyrics. I'd even venture to say that it is abstract poetry, telling a story through broken thoughts and images, which draws on the readers ability to infer about what is going on and draw his/her own personal truths from the ideas.


Yes, yes, I figured as much. Nevertheless, the imagery says absolutely nothing at all, the mark of a very inexperienced writer reaching out way beyond his meager grasp.
#7
Quote by Gvictor
the imagery says absolutely nothing at all


what imagery?
#8
Quote by skagitup
what imagery?


No imagery, then? No narrative, no imagery... so it's just completely hollow? That would explain how awful it is.
#9
Quote by Gvictor
No imagery, then? No narrative, no imagery... so it's just completely hollow? That would explain how awful it is.


You not understanding something (which, judging from your comments so far, i presume is a problem you encounter frequently) doesn't mean it's hollow.
Last edited by skagitup at May 9, 2008,
#10
different fonts don't save a piece from meaning nothing. - as far as i can see, the fonts add nothing, the color adds nothing. i wasn't big on this, i didn't get anything from it.

are you gonna post the following parts to the story you started? i enjoyed that, much more, than this
#11
Yes. There's one other part and it's finished, I'll post it soon.

I've just been posting some different things lately to try and get myself interested. I thought this was fun, it does actually refer to something very specific which nobody seems to have "gotten", sadly. Ironic that my last piece (which was a stream of unconnected words with absolutely no meaning whatsoever) got mostly positive feedback and yet this has generally been a case of "oh, it means nothing - it sucks".

I'm kind of annoyed at gvictor (not as much him, but what he represents - this contagious narrow-mindedness that seems to inspire absolute disgust in anything that isn't immediatly relatable - ok, so you don't know what something means, I DONT CARE)

He reminds me of the man who went to the Video store and said "have you got any dvd's?" and then the video shop owner said "no, we just sell Video's here", and then the man said "oh, well DVD's are much more succesful, maybe you should get into selling DVD's - the quality on videos is really quite awful you know... and nobody, really nobody [nobody he knows] can really feel enough to fast forward through things". And then the video shop man will nod and then feel upset.

NOT EVERYBODY HAS A DVD PLAYER

EDIT: Oh, and to reply to you, there are two different fonts for the two different speakers so that you can distinguish between them easily without thinking and the colour is relating to the title which is relating to EVERYTHING (yes, yes, KLDK H
#12
i disagree that it is easily distinguishable, and i'm pretty sure you know that speech marks and 'she said', 'he said' or something similar would have been more effective

and i don't think this sucks. i almost always enjoy reading your stuff. & looking forward to the second part of the prose