#1
Fun stuff. Crit for crit.


He sits and tries to hear the voices trapped inside his head
Maybe black is just the opposite of blue
He stands, and witnesses innocence fall right over
And wonders if compassion keeled over too

He tries to imagine a world where screamers try to sing
Maybe secrets aren’t supposed just to be kept
He listens to the whispers, held from him, or so it seems.
But soon he’ll just be known as the guy who left

(He’ll say)
I’m headed east, away from fame
I’m headed east, forget my name
I won’t think of all of you, when I’m gone from here
When I head east, when I head east, when I disappear...

He sees the lies drawn in the sand, and hears the waves crash down.
He knows now is a good of time as any.
He packs his stuff, grabs his guitar, and drives away from town,
And wishes gas prices were just a penny.

(He’ll say)
I’m headed east, away from fame
I’m headed east, forget my name
I won’t think of all of you, when I’m gone from here
When I head east, when I head east, when I disappear...

Bridge:
He knows he only gets one shot
He’s gonna give it what he’s got
He’ll make do with all that he has
He’ll change what he has been seen as
(x2)

(He said)
I headed east, away from fame
I headed east, what was your name
I haven’t thought of you, since I’ve been gone from there
I headed east, I headed east, didn’t give a care
ok, yeah. my name is silly because I signed up when I was 13.

BEDBUGS
#2
Quote by ratmblink123
Fun stuff. Crit for crit.


He sits and tries to hear the voices trapped inside his head
Maybe black is just the opposite of blue
He stands, and witnesses innocence fall right over
And wonders if compassion keeled over too
sounds good, good rhyme i like the image it shows

He tries to imagine a world where screamers try to sing
Maybe secrets aren’t supposed just to be kept
He listens to the whispers, held from him, or so it seems.
But soon he’ll just be known as the guy who left
another good thought, being known as the guy who left, creates a good mental image, i dont get the first line, there are lots of screamers who sing good

(He’ll say)
I’m headed east, away from fame
I’m headed east, forget my name
I won’t think of all of you, when I’m gone from here
When I head east, when I head east, when I disappear...
good chorus, makes a good point, running away from what you know. i like it. good rhyme too.

He sees the lies drawn in the sand, and hears the waves crash down.
He knows now is a good of time as any.
He packs his stuff, grabs his guitar, and drives away from town,
And wishes gas prices were just a penny.
another good verse, i like the gas thing, so he's headed east, is this before or after the waves and sand? seems like its staying in the same spot for a while

(He’ll say)
I’m headed east, away from fame
I’m headed east, forget my name
I won’t think of all of you, when I’m gone from here
When I head east, when I head east, when I disappear...
same as first

Bridge:
He knows he only gets one shot
He’s gonna give it what he’s got
He’ll make do with all that he has
He’ll change what he has been seen as
(x2)
good but maybe the second time you need to put a different ending on the last line.

(He said)
I headed east, away from fame
I headed east, what was your name
I haven’t thought of you, since I’ve been gone from there
I headed east, I headed east, didn’t give a care
i liked the ending, changed the point of the song.

overall its a good song, and it has alot of potential. sorry i didnt crit in song.
oh and that line on my song sounded thrice like because it was in one of the songs, i forgot which one, but i thought it sounded cool and added it to mine, thats not cheating in my book.