#1
this is a set of lyrics I wrote a year or two back. Feel free to crit, comment or suggest changes.
p.s. They might sound a bit odd but it was the best I could do at the time
p.p.s. The weirdest thing about it is that the chorus is longer than the verse but...

verse1
White light
comin' through to my eyes.
I open the window
and I feel the surprise...

chorus
I see you standin' there,
and I look at your face.
You're just smilin' at me
like you just won a race.
I think about your lips,
with the sun shinin' through.
And I'm just sittin' here,
just lookin' at you!

verse2
I try to reach through,
so I can feel your hair,
but somethin's holdin' me back,
keepin' me on my chair...

~chorus~

verse3
But now you're walkin' away,
and the clouds are back.
I'm closin' the waindow,
and I'm changin' the track...

~chorus~

~verse1~

~chorus~

Yeah, I'm just lookin' at you
with the white light streamin' through,
streamin' through,
streamin' through,
The white light streamin' through...
e-married to the most fabulous Fashionista ever, Rarity
e-mom to Scootaloo, somehow
Quote by dawgeth321
Let's warm our wings, fly through the clouds, and dance in the sky, mon capitaine.

Quote by T00DEEPBLUE
Spit is a milf

UG 8-BIT ALBUM
SoundCloud
#3
Quote by davrockist
this is a set of lyrics I wrote a year or two back. Feel free to crit, comment or suggest changes.
p.s. They might sound a bit odd but it was the best I could do at the time
p.p.s. The weirdest thing about it is that the chorus is longer than the verse but...

verse1
White light
comin' through to my eyes.
I open the window
and I feel the surprise...
Nice intro verse, I like it

chorus
I see you standin' there,
and I look at your face.
You're just smilin' at me
like you just won a race.
I think about your lips,
with the sun shinin' through.
And I'm just sittin' here,
just lookin' at you!
Seems kind of forced and awkward, maybe something more softer? Other than that, its really nice and romantic.

verse2
I try to reach through,
so I can feel your hair,
but somethin's holdin' me back,
keepin' me on my chair...
This is nice, but maybe there is something better, like "keeping me on my place"?

~chorus~

verse3
But now you're walkin' away,
and the clouds are back.
I'm closin' the waindow,
and I'm changin' the track...
Nice, no problems here.

~chorus~

~verse1~

~chorus~

Yeah, I'm just lookin' at you
with the white light streamin' through,
streamin' through,
streamin' through,
The white light streamin' through...
Very good end!


I like the song, its really nice. It would sound great with music. I hope I helped .


P.S. Feel free to comment my songs
I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had...
#4
It is an almost good one.. a bit patchy though, i'm sure you can improve it if you try...
Please check my two songs, None can tell you and Spent
Thanx
#5
Quote by Ultan000
nice...i remember that, but was the last bit there when you first wrote it??

I changed the ending
e-married to the most fabulous Fashionista ever, Rarity
e-mom to Scootaloo, somehow
Quote by dawgeth321
Let's warm our wings, fly through the clouds, and dance in the sky, mon capitaine.

Quote by T00DEEPBLUE
Spit is a milf

UG 8-BIT ALBUM
SoundCloud
#6
thanx for current comments. changes in lyrics possibly coming up along with an mp3 hopefully
e-married to the most fabulous Fashionista ever, Rarity
e-mom to Scootaloo, somehow
Quote by dawgeth321
Let's warm our wings, fly through the clouds, and dance in the sky, mon capitaine.

Quote by T00DEEPBLUE
Spit is a milf

UG 8-BIT ALBUM
SoundCloud
#7
COMING SOON TO A FORUM NEAR YOU... not saying much yet but I've re-written the lyrics with the same core but a few BIG changes... watch this space
e-married to the most fabulous Fashionista ever, Rarity
e-mom to Scootaloo, somehow
Quote by dawgeth321
Let's warm our wings, fly through the clouds, and dance in the sky, mon capitaine.

Quote by T00DEEPBLUE
Spit is a milf

UG 8-BIT ALBUM
SoundCloud